ScorchStack #13- the thirteenth ScorchStack
It's the thirteenth ScorchStack
Lucky number 13, baby. Or unlucky. Depends on what you believe, I guess.
What’s inside?
Floob honours the life of Alex Trebek, highlighting the 12 times he tried to stump accounts receivable office dorks from North Dakota with Calgary Flames related questions.
What if all the Flames beat each other to death?
An update on Flames prospects, and how much you should really care about them.
Social media correspondent Ramz has lined up some acting gigs for the Tkachuk brothers
Since last week
We paid tribute to the golden god Jarome Iginla by releasing the ScorchStack’s 12th issue. His number was 12, in case you forgot.
The Flames are teasing their new reverse retro jersey, which they haven’t released yet. Do they know the ScorchStack publishes on Wednesdays?
A Written History of The Calgary Flames on Jeopardy!
One day, Scorchstack will be an answer on Jeopardy!, under the category of “True Crime”
by floob (@itlooksreal)
After the TRAGIC passing of Alex Trebek, beloved game show icon and famous no-guff-accepter, it’s safe to say we’ve all collectively got Jeopardy! in our focus these days, and rightfully so. Trebek was a king, and Jeopardy! fucking owns.
Thanks to a truly Herculean, some would say Trebekian effort by a cabal of devoted Jeopardy! fans scattered across the globe, we can really tailor those thoughts to all our niche desires. Around these parts, that means your Calgary Flames. Searching out Flames related clues at j-archive.com, an alarmingly in-depth fan-created database chronicling every episode of the syndicated game show, we have determined that there have been 12 instances over the course of 36 years and over 8000 half-hour segments in which the Flaming C have been in the spotlight.
Piggybacking off all that hard work, I’m here to list all 12 of those times.
1. Show #1165, September 29th, 1989 (a great year to be a Flames fan!)
When the $200 answer for the first round “In The News” category flipped over, we were informed that “Sergei Priakin, the 1st Soviet to play for an NHL team, was hired by this Alberta team in 1989”
Dale Ragus, a real estate broker from New York City and a certified Enemy of Floob, buzzed in, asking “Who are the Edmonton Oilers?”
Which of course is incorrect.
Dan Boehme, a real estate marketing agent from New Orleans (two contestants on this show who really want to help you buy a home) played the odds and buzzed in with the correct, Calgary Flames-centric answer. We love you Dan.
Dale won this, the first of three appearances on Jeopardy!, and I think we can all agree it would be great if he was the victim of a grisly murder.
2. Show #1276, March 5th, 1990
In the $500 square for “Sports Trivia”, we were told “In 1989 this Canadian team won its 1st Stanley Cup” and I swear to Kipper if someone here answered Edmonton…
Not to worry though, as Keith Pickering, a programmer and analyst from Watertown, Minnesota (home of the Flying Waters!) did us proud with the correct answer. Keith finished in second place, but first in our hearts.
3. Show #1396, October 1st, 1990
Folks, we’ve got an entire category here just named “Alberta”. Two years past the 1988 Winter Olympics and the Heart of the New West is still flying high! The $100 answer, at this point still fairly top of mind, was “Named for its shape, the Saddledome in this city is home to the NHL Flames”, and I have to say, I was stumped.
Jim Scott, a college student from Charlottesville, Virginia (the only thing Charlottesville is notable for, of course) and 5 day champion, was ready for this one though, confidently dropping a hot Calgary on our asses. That’s why he’s a Jeopardy! $49,000aire and I’m not.
4. Show #2829 December 12th, 1996
I can’t believe we had to wait 6 more years for a Flames related question. It’s the disrespect that really bothers me more than anything.
Anyway, in our first Double Jeopardy appearance, under the category “Sports” (never heard of it), the $400 answer states “In 1980 the NHL's Atlanta Flames moved to this Canadian city” (this will be a common refrain)
Our pal Sandy Siegel, a writer from Playa Del Rey, California knocked this one out of the park en route to a second place finish (parlaying from winning the previous episode though, so still, pretty good to be Sandy Siegel)
5. Show #3772, January 16th, 2001
Alex, you crafty bitch. Under the $500 square on the “NHL Teams” category, and showing a picture of our beloved Flaming C, the answer was “The team that wears the logo seen here plays home games in this former Olympic venue”
After C.W. Van Baale, who is a rentals coordinator in Chicago and almost certainly someone on the lam living a double life, answered “Who are the Montreal Canadiens?”, which, get out of here, and Vaughn Williams, a US Navy Lieutenant, piped in with “Who are the Calgary Flames?”
WRONG!
The answer is of course, referring to the Saddledome, and not the team itself. Great job, idiots.
6. Show #4250, February 7th, 2003
In eerily similar fashion as the episode prior, the $600 answer for the first round “NHL” category, Jeopardy! once again beamed a Flames logo into our living rooms before stating “The logo of this Alberta team is seen here”. Seems pretty straightforward.
Seems.
This was a Teen Tournament quarterfinal, and Long Island senior and gabagool aficionado Anthony Valente channelled his inner C.W. Van Baale, answering “The Canadiens” before leaving the show to get a 6 hour spray tan, while Lizz Mullowney, a senior from Crystal Lake, Illinois, invalidates her entire education by answering “The Canucks”. Kendra Chapman, a sophomore, eh...she’s got nothing. Triple Stumper! All these people lost their student funding after this episode.
7. Show #4546 May 17th, 2004
During the peak of Calgary’s improbable, imagination capturing run to the Stanley Cup Finals, Jeopardy! decides to get in on the fun by bringing up the team in the $800 square of Double Jeopardy’s “Sports Homes” category. Being presented with “The NHL’s Flames”, Bill Kinnaird, a home builder from Louisville, Kentucky, correctly asked “What is Calgary?” while Laura Paquet, a romance novelist and travel writer from Ottawa, a Canadian, said absolutely nothing.
Laura has since been asked to renounce her citizenship.
8. Show #4800, June 17th, 2005
Controversy alert! Hockey was on everyone’s mind during the 2005 lockout, including Jeopardy!, who wistfully created a Double Jeopardy category all about the Stanley Cup, which included the $1600 answer “This team from the sunny South broke Canadian hearts by beating Calgary for the Cup in 2004”. Donna Brutkoski, a newspaper copy editor from Brandon Vermont, asked “Who are the Tampa Bay Lightning?” which we all know is incorrect, but for some inexplicable reason, this was treated as the correct answer.
History shows that the 2004-05 lockout started mere seconds before Martin Gelinas scored in overtime of Game 6 that season, thus the Stanley Cup was not awarded. I have contacted Sony Pictures Television Inc. requesting a retraction, a formal apology for long time fans of the program, and to have the prize total awarded to Ms. Brutkowski subtracted by $1600 to reflect this error. I am still awaiting their reply.
9. Show #5124, December 14th, 2006
I like this one a lot.
At $800 of the first round “Inappropriate Team Names” category, the Flames were the subject of the answer “In Atlanta, this NHL team's fiery name harked back to Gen. Sherman; all Canadians should now call them "The Ice".”
Which is fucking true when you think about it.
Anyway, congrats to R.J. Lesch, a programmer from Adel, Iowa, for knowing this. I guess. He won the episode, and you have to think he got there off the strength of this answer.
10. Show #6338, March 21st, 2012
We have ourselves the “Home Ice” category in the first round, which is obviously vague, so Alex clarifies by telling the contestants “We want you to name the NHL team or the city that has home ice,” Now I understand. The $800 clue is simply “Scotiabank Saddledome” (an aside, I didn’t realize Scotiabank has held the naming rights for the Dome since at least 2012! Time is fleeting and you are taking precious minutes off your life by reading this)
Alas, Greg Bentley, a law clerk from Pikeville, Kentucky, Cathy Guiles, a copy editor from Baltimore, and Melanie Spratford, a caterer from Chicago, all sat there, silent and mouths agape, as time expired on this clue. No love for a unique and iconic saddle shaped building. Bleak.
11. Show #6889, July 24th, 2014
We are back on the Teen Tournament, and you know what that means: more of the most dumb shit easy questions you will ever see on this very stern, very serious game show. The big money, $2000 square for the Double Jeopardy category “Cool Buildings” is no exception, telling us that “You can see how the Saddledome in Calgary, in this Canadian province, got its name”. The $2000 answer. Allegedly the hardest one.
Not to worry, as Anaya Nrusimha, a sophomore from East Amherst, New York, nailed this one.
Side note: There was an entire category called “Pro Sports Teams” in this episode, and the Flames related clue was not part of it.
12. Show #7201, December 28th, 2015
We travel to the holiday season of 2015 for our final Flames appearance on Jeopardy! (There may be more in the future, but Alex Trebek will not be the host, so this show is dead to us and it will not count)
One final reference to the Atlanta days, as the $1000 clue of the first round category “Teams on the Move” tells us “NHL: In 1980 the Atlanta Flames stampeded north of the border to settle in this city”. Stampeded. Get it? I don’t appreciate the tone implied with the word “settled”, but really, what am I going to do about it? Maybe I’ll bring it up when I hear back about the Tampa Bay Lightning error I mentioned previously.
Stephen Byrd, a hardware store manager and the only Flames fan in Hartsville, South Carolina, brought this one home for us one last time, en route to finishing more than $15,000 behind the winner of this episode. The most Calgary Flames ending possible.
Go watch Jeopardy! while you still can, everyone. RIP Mr. Trebek, you will be sorely missed.
If the Calgary Flames were in a battle to the death, who would win and in what order would they die?
The ScorchStack provides critical analysis and asks the tough questions about Flames hockey
By Christian (@decayinwtheboys)
Sometime this week I realized there’s no hockey until February and I need to get content that isn’t video games. You can only talk about projected line combinations for so long, even though I don’t think we even did that.
This is pretty self-explanatory. The rules are no weapons, only fists. It’s a Hunger Games style open world that’s big enough that people can run and hide, but confined so that no one can break free. I am not interested in writing a movie script, so I will leave the relationships/alliances and all the details and dialogue that happen from when we begin to when we crown the victor to your head. I am just stating my opinion on what order the Flames would die in. Sometimes with explanation, sometimes without.
Without further adieu.
25. Zac Rinaldo
The team’s only pure fighter goes first? Yes, it’s just statistics. Rinaldo plays about four shifts every night and tries to fight someone on every one of them. In a game without time, he’s going to try and fight everyone as soon as he can to meet the quota. Numbers aren’t on his side, but he still makes the valiant effort.
24. Chris Tanev
Canucks fans were quick to bring up that Tanev usually suffers a catastrophic injury every season without fail. This time, the catastrophic injury is death, which he suffers after tearing his ACL nearly instantly and becoming an easy target.
23. Joakim Nordstrom
I imagine Nordstrom dies next because he is new and no one knows who he is other than the Swedes. This isn’t a democracy, so the Swedes can’t save him from the merciless beating his new teammates lay on him. He also looks like a guy who isn’t up to snuff in a battle royale.
22. Juuso Valimaki
Seems too nice to hurt people. Not the approach we’re looking for.
21. Dominik Simon
Simon is also killed for the same reasons listed above. No one knows who he is, he is small, and he is not suited for battle conditions. More like Dominik Die-mon. Dominik Die-man.
20. Buddy Robinson
I’m sure he was the betting odds favourite due to his size and strength, but I’m imagining that everyone also recognizes this and realizes that it’s much easier to take down a 6’6", 232 lbs monster early in the battle when everyone else is still alive rather than face him alone later.
19. Mark Giordano
18. Josh Leivo
17. Alexander Yelesin
16. Sean Monahan
Monahan does not know how to do violence, as evidenced by his fight with Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.
He is hopeless.
15. Oliver Kylington
14. Jacob Markstrom
At 6’6” and 202 lbs, Markstrom is absolutely not built for survival. Too tall to take effective cover but too lean to scare off potential attackers, Markstrom is easy prey.
13. Johnny Gaudreau
Gaudreau’s soft hands and small size are completely unsuited for this competition, so he is also going to be gone quickly. I think the Flames take a lot more pity on him, but there has to be at least one person resentful of him getting all the attention and beats him to death in the bush he’s hiding in. His Fortnite skills won’t help him here.
12. Andrew Mangiapane
Bread boy more like Dead Boy.
11. Noah Hanifin
I’m imagining he puts him his arms in front of his face to block the punches of his attackers. Naturally, they are able to easily go around them.
10. Elias Lindholm
I hope they don’t punch the face.
9. Milan Lucic
Lucic is a big tough brute, but even in a world suited to his skills, he is still just a shadow of the dominance he once was. After years of dishing out violence, he can do nothing but take it.
8. Derek Ryan
A latter-day Saint, Ryan is not allowed to do violence. Many respect this, and him, so he is left alone. But there can only be one champion, and Ryan is mercilessly put down without offering any fight back. He vanishes into glowing dust the second his eyes close.
7. Mikael Backlund
Despite being Swedish and therefore soft, Backlund is resilient. He’s not going to have a large body count by the time he is killed, but he will have taken a lot of damage and lasted longer than most. The man played through a rebuild where he was forced to play with Kevin Westgarth and Brian McGrattan, I think he can take quite a beating.
6. Rasmus Andersson
Brad Treliving infamously questioned Andersson’s conditioning and fitness at development camp. Well those are positives here, as it adds padding. With his ferocity, Andersson is definitely going to last long here.
5. Nikita Nesterov
Everyone forgot about him up until this point.
4. David Rittich
Behind the aw-shucks face and the puppy dog loving personality lies a dormant killer. David Rittich is probably the world’s nicest guy, but he will go absolutely nuts on everyone. Remember when he traveled the length of the ice to defend Matthew Tkachuk?
In my mind, he is loinclothed and covered in blood at this point, somehow finding the time to enjoy a pretty flower in between stringing losers’ bones to make a pretty necklace for himself.
I said that the details and alliances and the rest of the blanks are up to you to fill in, but I’ll interject here and say that Rittich and Matthew Tkachuk are absolutely in a handshake alliance that only ends in a final battle between the two of them.
3. Dillon Dube
Dube is absolutely suited to big outdoor battles, and will survive late into this game. I don’t know how long this takes to play out, that’s one of the details you can fill in on your own, but Dube absolutely arrived clean shaven and dies with the thickest beard imaginable.
2. Matthew Tkachuk
Matthew will win the fight with Rittich. The goaltender is the craziest SOB in the field, but Matthew is a large shit son descended from a large shit son, who is also likely the descendant of a long line of large shit sons (and if Brady is any evidence, there’s a bit of ogre DNA in the mix). It simply is fate that Matthew beats Rittich, along with all but our champion.
1. Sam Bennett
In a world without refs to give him two minute minors in the offensive zone, Sam Bennett will reign. He will outlive all of us, battle royale or not. I am sure of it.
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A brief update on how much you should give a shit about Flames prospects
I figure there should be at least one semi-serious article in every one of these things
By Christian (@decayinwtheboys)
Way back in ScorchStack #6, we introduced a breathtaking new concept to prospect analysis that has taken the hockey world by storm: ranking prospects based on how much you should actually care about them (second article down)
Since then, a few things have happened. Turns out there was an NHL draft, which meant the Flames added a few more prospects to their collection. I definitely knew that was going to happen, and didn’t just write that article in the heat of the moment rather than releasing it when the conversation was more relevant. Also a bunch of prospects actually started playing hockey in these pandemic times, a rational and sane decision for all involved, especially for the guys who make $0.00 to play.
So we have to update our power rankings.
New Additions
Connor Zary- Give a shit tier: I mean, you really do have to care about the team’s first round selection, right? Pretty much a given.
We already dedicated half a ScorchStack issue to him, and touched on him way back in issue #2 as well. If you don’t have time on your break to read all of it, I’ll summarize these for you very quickly: he is good, and I love him. Zary has already lit one league on fire, and is only a hop and a skip away from the NHL. Isn’t it nice to give a shit about a prospect?
Yan Kuznetsov- Maybe, just maybe, give a shit in two or three years tier: I figure a lot of the newly drafted will fall into this tier, so apologies in advance if I’m repeating myself.
In Kuznetsov’s case, he’s weirdly intriguing. The University of Connecticut seemed high on him as a seventeen year old, giving him heavy minutes and a lot of responsibility. He put up sensible offensive numbers - 11 points in 34 games is nothing to sneeze at- but got obliterated defensively (42% 5v5 GF, -17.41 rel, for what it’s worth). A lot of it feels like he had to learn on the job, which is fine because who isn’t bullshitting their way through university. I feel he’ll turn out fine, but he has a few years to improve.
Jake Boltmann- Maybe, just maybe, give a shit in two or three years tier: This tier is mostly reserved for college boys, which is just the nature of NCAA bound players. There’s very few who are ready to go straight out of the draft, and even fewer who take one or two years to reach professional quality.
Boltmann is no different. His pre-draft numbers are hard to parse due to him splitting time between the USHL and Minnesota high school hockey, resulting in sample sizes too small to derive meaning from. I went through the box scores, and while nothing negative stood out, he’s definitely at least well regarded as he’s headed to the University of Minnesota whenever that gets started up. Beginning the year back in the USHL should help him show everyone what he truly is.
Jeremie Poirier- ???????????????????????? tier: The only entrant into our rare mystery tier, Poirier is weird beyond the reasons of offence good, defence bad.
First off, I’m not even sure his defence is all that bad. Saint John had the absolute worst goaltending in the QMJHL, with both goalies finishing in the bottom half for save percentage. Poirier actually ekes out in the positives for GFrel%, at +1.65% (44.59% GF on, 42.94% off). Awful goaltending can make everyone look bad, and in this case, it put a pretty heavy dent into Poirier’s draft stock.
But then again, he’s begun the 2020-21 Q season at a -24.7 5v5 GFrel%, which is pretty bad. It’s a small sample of 11 games, but for a guy who knows his defence is shoddy, he could probably put forward a better effort. He’s kept up his offence, which is nice at least (10 points in 11 games). I think you have to wait and see on Poirier, but I’m not getting a clear picture either which way or the other on what he is or how good he could be. All I know is that he will forever be in the “should we move him from defence to forward?” conversation for his entire career.
Daniil Chechelev- You can give a shit, but it’s going to hurt you tier: The surprise pick in the fourth round, no one expected the second year eligible goalie with middling numbers to get picked. Maybe it was solely because of how sick his Instagram is.
But Chechelev has come to play! He’s shut the door in the MHL (Russian CHL) with a .938 save percentage, opening up an opportunity to shut the door in the VHL (Russian AHL), where he also has a .938 save percentage. He also got to spend the past week training with the KHL team, which is definitely something that means a lot.
But we also have to acknowledge one painful truth about Chechelev: he is a goalie, who are prone to being extremely hot for stretches and then coming back to Earth all while toying with our emotions throughout. Everything I know about goalies is that they rarely just figure it out at the flip of a switch, and I don’t think Chechelev is going to be an exception. His career history to this point suggests mediocre Russian goaltender, and you’d be foolish to bet that he’s actually not.
But I could also be foolish by defaulting to my contrarian, pessimistic outlook on life. Maybe he’s great! I’m just saying don’t get too invested.
Ryan Francis- Give a shit, see if I care! tier: I don’t have anything special to say about Francis. He’s a kid with good enough junior numbers that you absolutely take a flyer on him in the fifth round, but he’s got his flaws. He’s not trending to be the type that explodes in scoring and makes everyone else look foolish for passing on him, and he’s not great enough at defence to provide value in other places. He’s shouldering the burden for a pretty lousy Cape Breton team early on, so maybe he can break through when the rest of his team does.
Rory Kerins- Give a shit, see if I care! tier: Ditto for Kerins. Interesting junior numbers, but still far from looking like an NHL regular. He was a pretty strong player on a bad Soo Greyhounds team, picking up 50 primary points (36 at 5v5) out of a total 59 points. which is great, but he’s lacking the pure numbers of someone who becomes an NHLer. I would move him into the sleeper category, but I need to see more.
Ilya Solovyov- do not give a shit tier: Yeah, he’s a 20 year old seventh-rounder. He put up some great numbers for Saginaw last season, immediately slotting in on the first pairing and acting as the powerplay quarterback. I think the Flames felt that he was worth a flyer because he could be fast-tracked to the pros and given an opportunity to see if he really is that good, a la Stepan Falkovsky a few years ago.
COVID screwed that plan up, as he’s now back in the KHL playing third-pairing minutes for Dinamo Minsk. Pro experience is pro experience, and he will probably still get his chance, but early returns suggest that he has the average trajectory of a seventh rounder.
Movers and Shakers
Here are the prospects on the initial list whose rankings have changed.
Juuso Valimaki- Give a shit tier up to Maximum Investment of Shit Tier: I’ve created a new tier for Valimaki, who has returned from his year and a half absence from hockey to become the best defenceman, if not the best player, in the Finnish Liiga.
If you’re anyone who has read the ScorchStack, you’ve likely come from Twitter (if you didn’t please email me because I want to know how you found this awful place). If you’re on Twitter, you’ve absolutely seen clips of Valimaki making a fool out of professional hockey players. I don’t words can really do justice to how good he is.
One of the big question marks for the Flames has been whether their defence will be enough with T.J Brodie (this still hurts to type and think about) and Travis Hamonic gone, and Valimaki has made that an afterthought. He’s not going to be as dominant in the NHL immediately, but he’s raised a lot of hopes and become everyone’s new favourite son in the process.
Johannes Kinvall- Maybe, just maybe, give a shit in two or three years up to Give a shit tier: After beginning the season on injured reserve, Kinvall returned to SHL action and has since become the league’s best offensive defenceman. He’s put up forward numbers thus far with 11 points in eight games, and really looks like he’s ready for North American action. Of course, there’s the whole issue that he has to stay in Sweden for another year, but he looks more ready than I previously thought. Small sample size and everything, but definitely a development in the right direction.
Eetu Tuulola- You can give a shit, but it’s going to hurt you tier down to Do not give a shit tier: Tuulola was loaned to the Allsvenskan (Swedish second division) to begin the season, and his tenure is already over. He was sparingly used on the third line, and put up four points in eleven games.
A bad spell shouldn’t be enough to demote a guy to nothing, but Tuulola was putting up better numbers two years ago in a much better European league (Liiga). I had faint hopes for him, and they’ve mostly vanished after this awful performance.
TikToks I'd like to see the Tkachuks recreate
The title is self-explanatory
By Ramz (@raminashlah)
DISCLAIMER: I assumed the TikToks would actually display the video when posting the link, but they don’t. But I didn’t start doing this until Tuesday evening when I already promised all the Scorchies I’d have something for this week, and if I don’t get something out Mr. Scorch will blow a torch up my ass. So expect the same article as you would have when reading the title, but just much worse.
SECOND DISCLAIMER: I’ve posted a couple of tweets about the TikToks so I will be posting my Tweets with those videos to make those ones easier.
I’m actually excited about this one, for the first time in ScorchStack history. Mr. Scorch please do not blow a torch up my ass.
The title is very self-explanatory, but in case you’re stupid, let me explain. There are TikToks that I have watched over the course of weeks and even months and I have saved them with the intention of writing this. These are videos I’d like to see the Tkachuks recreate. More specifically Matthew and Brady, but perhaps other members, who really knows. We also cannot ignore the fact that Matthew and his sister Taryn have already filmed a TikTok together before:
Again, bad news, TikToks will not just post as the video, so instead, I will have to post the link and then I will explain the TikTok. It’s going to be awful and you will hate it, but I simply do not care.
This video is Taryn and Matthew during quarantine doing a dance trend to Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer.
Criteria
Now, you might be thinking “Ramz, how do you decide which TikToks you want the Tkachuks to recreate?” Well, have I got the answer for you. There are a few things I look for:
If they’re a family or have a family aura to them (specifically brothers)
If they look like shitheads
Teens, but that’s not specific, but many of these (I think) are teens (teens are mainly shitheads)
Dancing is a plus
Just whatever I want to include, ok? What’s with the third degree?
Videos
Alright, let’s get into the meat and potatoes. This first video was before I even planned to do this series, but I tweeted this many moons ago and this was subconsciously the start to all this.
Of course, Keith plays the dad part, but now it’s the choice of who plays which brother. In my opinion, the one in the middle has younger sibling energy, so I think Brady should play him.
Next, we’ve got a collection of these two:
As you can see by my Tweets, I very eloquently asked them to recreate this. I have yet to hear back. I think these could be one of two options: Either both brothers play all parts, so they each get two scenes, or they invite two other people to join. I would like to see Keith and Taryn. I wouldn’t mind seeing a couple of Flames help them, in my opinion, the ones most willing would be Johnny Gaudreau and David Rittich. Now, for who they would each be in this video? This is one of those rare times where they can be all characters. Ugh, so versatile. You love to see it.
The next video is this. Now, I don’t believe these two gentlemen are actual brothers, but this video really radiates brother energy. As for who’s who, I think the one on the left who looks more excited has younger brother energy, while the one with the glasses has older brother energy, so Matthew would play the glasses and Brady would play the one who gets hit in the end.
Wait, but hitting with the pillow is also younger brother energy. No, now I’m getting distracted. I’m sticking with my initial choice.
Alright, there are no more Tweets so the rest will be links as I poorly describe them as well, get ready for the rest of this to be very shitty and hard to follow.
This one has a gentleman very quickly dancing, meaning he put the sound at a very slow speed and danced slowly so that when it becomes normal speed it looks like he moves very quickly. The sound makes a farting noise at one point where this nice young man leans over right at the time the farting noise happens. It’s a very chaotic video, and I would like Matthew or Brady to recreate it.
This next one has three people dancing, very clearly one kid and their two parents. You only see their backs while they’re dancing to the instrumental part of But I Am A Good Girl from the hit film Burlesque, a 2010 American backstage musical film written and directed by Steven Antin and starring Cher and Christina Aguilera. Filming took place from November 2009 to March 2010. It was released on November 24, 2010, in North America. There is lots of ass shaking. I think I see Brady as doing this with his parents, not so much Matthew. He’s not so much of an ass dancer as Brady is.
Alright, I know I said Matthew isn’t an ass dancer, but I can see him doing this one. This one is a hockey player in full equipment on the ice dancing to Say I Yi Yi by the Ying Yang Twins. This dance has been all over Tik Tok for a couple of weeks and it’s very entertaining to watch, and I would like to see Matthew perform it while on skates and in full gear.
This next one features a young man watching these two girls dance on some chairs to Slave 4 U by Britney Spears and sees it’s at 2 million likes. He immediately calls for his dad to come perform this dance with him because that video has 2 million likes and he wants to go viral. So he and his father grab some chairs and do this sexy dance to a classic B Spears song. This has younger sibling written all over it, it’s absolutely Brady and Keith.
Now for this one, if you’re not going to watch any at least watch this one. It features two people who may or may not be siblings, but they look like they could be, dancing to a remix called Viva La Swing which is a mix of Viva La Vida by Coldplay and Swing by Savage. It features the two what look like siblings dancing in complete unison and even features some ass shaking. Matthew and Brady MUST do this dance, it is a personal necessity and I WILL be filing a complaint if they don’t.
We are on the final one! For this one, I can’t even describe it to perfectly fully encompass the true energy that radiates from it, especially the end. You must watch it. I want to see either brother do this, if only one then probably Brady, but you must watch it. I don’t understand how this has less than 10k likes, it’s incredible.
Thanks for tuning in. I hope you watched some of them, I worked for weeks collecting these videos for the purpose of this. Yes, I watched TikTok for “work”, mind your business.
Up Next Week
The 20 picks for Dougie Hamilton experiment will be revisited, depending if I find enough time to press X on my controller for a few hours
We travel back in time to revisit the Atlanta Flames and review their jerseys for reasons unclear even to us.
PodBlast #2 will release, the first podcast to be released on vinyl. Please mail $45 to us if you would like to hear it, turns out this shit ain’t cheap