ScorchStack Issue #107 - Coca-Cola Stock Image of Friends Having Fun Watching Hockey (Calgary Flames Variant) is a slice of life of the average Calgary Flames fan’s life
Coca-Cola and the Flames both reinforce one of life's greatest truths: Better Red Than Dead.
This week’s edition of Scorchstack is coming out a day late because with the light Flames schedule, the Scorchies took a professional development to get back in touch with our roots.
We would like to thank the Calgary Fire Department for their participation in the Scorchstach PD Day, and also issue our condolences to the loved ones of the Calgary Fire Department.
What’s inside?
You’ve seen the bad stock photo of Flames fans, but what if we examined it for its artistic merit? What do we learn?
All this talk about how the Calgary Flames are the main character but personally we are achieving Nirvana this season and it is good
Case in point: Mike went to a game and just had joy. Read all about it!
It’s the music news that everyone is still only talking about - the Blink-182 reunion. But what is there was some way to include music talk in a sports newsletter? Scorchstack tries out some brand new genre-bending stuff.
You’ll have to RT Scorchstack this week (like you weren’t already going to) because Konnie is in Twitter jail.
Since last issue
They did the dang Reverse Retros again, so you know we had to review them. Floob didn’t write in that issue but just to prove he didn’t die, he did write The Big Monday Thing after definitely watching the games last week.
The Flames had an oopsie against the Buffalo Sabres but then decided winning was more fun so just kept doing that instead.
Milan Lucic became Milan 110c1c which like what? Where did the time go? Honestly congrats to him but didn’t we just do 1000cic? Like did they count playoff games? Still really confused about the passage of time here.
iykyk
Art analysis: the Coca-Cola Stock Image of Friends Having Fun Watching Hockey (Calgary Flames Variant)
Let's see activists throw food at this one!
by Tibs (@decayinwtheboys)
Hopefully, you have seen this picture by now:
Well if you haven’t, you just have. And I will tweet this about 5000 times from the Scorchstack account this year, so you’ll be seeing plenty of it.
The Flames’ Twitter account frequently declares standard hockey pics as “art,” but wasn’t as generous to this pic, which they tweeted out to promote delicious Coca-cola. They truly weren’t aware of what they did: tweeting out their first real piece of art. Coca-Cola Stock Image of Friends Having Fun Watching Hockey (Calgary Flames Variant) is a slice of life of the average Calgary Flames fan’s life, hiding nuance in details both grand and minuscule, and is the only Flames tweet I have enjoyed.
Let’s break it down.
I call this “the hockey face.” This is the face you make when you watch hockey. Less knowledgeable people will call it the “soy face,” but my expert eyes see the truth: this is only a face you can make when watching hockey. “Soy face” implies some sort of nerdy moment where you’re overcome with emotion because of product. This is different because it’s hockey. There’s celebratory smugness in his face, his smile both a natural reaction to the Flames scoring (maybe?) and an “eat shit” to his disappointed friend, who we may infer was chirping our celebratory fan.
I’m not making fun of our central character and his ridiculous face, he is the most important figure in this image. We must dedicate a lot of space to him. In particular, I want to look at his jersey: baggy, well-worn, logo off-centre, potentially dirty? This man is a dedicated fan: he wears this jersey every day. He never takes it off.
Many have pointed out that his left hand is missing, but that’s simply something the artist has left up to interpretation. Is he pointing to the scoreboard to emphasize his point? Is he giving a thumbs up? Perhaps winding up for a slap, having lost control of his emotions because of how pumped he is for hockey? Who can say. But we can eliminate one possibility: he does not have an ice-cold Coca-Cola in his hand. It would be prominently displayed if he did.
Mmmmmmmm Coca-Cola. The sexist reading of this painting is that the woman is not interested in sports, because that is man stuff and she is not a man. However, that’s another pleb assumption. We don’t have enough information to determine what the woman’s interest is, she has been taken in by the spell of Coca-Cola (full sugar). We can actually see her as the enlightened one in this photo, ignoring all the arguing and bullshitting between the men and descending into the simple bliss of Coca-Cola hitting her tastebuds.
Let’s take a look at the food, perhaps the weakest part of the work. Of course, we have our Coca-Colas prominently displayed, but what’s going on in the rest of the pic?
They are eating what one could easily assume is chicken, but we have to wonder: what type of chicken? Wings? Strips? Nuggets? Unidentified fried bits? What is the red sauce they’re dipping it in? Ketchup, Sriracha, BBQ sauce, blood? What is the other brown dip? Hummus? Do people dip chicken in hummus?
There’s also the guac and chips, though those are also both in question. The guac appears to have the consistency of potato salad, and the green makes me think that they didn’t use the best avocado to make it. The chips don’t look like standard nacho chips, more like those baked pita chips. Also acceptable, but doesn’t go with the guac. Maybe with the hummus?
The veggie platter is fine. We got red peppers, celery, radish, cucumber, and eggplant? The work is going for a very relatable generic feeling, yet in making the food the least identifiable part, only creates confusion.
In the background hides another piece of art. The uninformed view is that no one would hang a painting of weak orange brushstrokes (editorializing, but it reminds me more of wiping Cheeto-stained hands on the wall than paint) and random blue stabs, but look closer. Orange and blue, who does that remind you of? That’s right, the Edmonton Oilers. In a brilliant piece of meta-commentary, the orange and blue of the Oilers is reduced to a disorganized mess, with the excitement of the Flames taking centre stage. Their positivity is front and centre, and the negativity of everything associated with the Oilers is relegated to the background.
The final piece of brilliance: the television. Many would comment why there’s no net in the shot, or why there is a hockey stick on the TV stand. Again, you’re getting bogged down in the things that don’t matter.
What’s on the screen? You guessed it, another stock image (albeit with different colours). It’s making us question things: what is a stock image? Is it just some goofy, staged picture, designed to be so generic that it could be molded to whatever message needs to be conveyed? Or are we all characters in a stock image, people who could easily be confused for advertising if we were candidly caught in the right moment? Whom amongst us has not been this friend group, eating casual foodstuffs and drinking Coca-cola while engaging in heated but good-natured sports discussion? Although we may regard it as clumsy and goofy, in the end, we are truly Coca-Cola Stock Image of Friends Having Fun Watching Hockey (Calgary Flames Variant).
(ed. note: There’s actually one more part of this I want to draw attention to, and it’s the fridge off to the side. Have you ever seen any apartment/house/whatever layout where the fridge is in line with the TV just like ten feet to the side? Why is the fridge just thrown in there like this? Who designed this house? Was it to imply they always keep the Coca-Cola closeby in the fridge, to reference that Coca-Cola has come out and said that it’s meant to be drank colder than Pepsi? Coca-Cola has said that the ideal temperature to drink a Coke is 38 degrees Fahrenheit, whereas Pepsi says 42 degrees so the fridge could be in reference to that. But then you wouldn’t be able to watch the game if you went to the fridge cause the angles don’t make sense. Anyway just a little ed. note that I’m also thinking about)
The extreme benefits of sitting back and enjoying the ride
No longer having to pay $200 in overages cause I wasted all my data browsing CapFriendly
by Nathan (@hanoten)
Earlier this week, I searched Oliver Kylington’s name on the internet, because I really like him and I was hoping there might have been some tip as to when he might return. As we all know, there has been zero news to his potential return, which is a bummer but I want to respect his privacy so I was content to leave it at that.
However, one of the first responses was an article titled “The Calgary Flames should trade for Conor Garland” which a) no they shouldn’t, but b) why was this coming up for a search on Kylington? So I clicked and read it, because I suspected it would suggest trading Kylington and I wanted to laugh at it.
To the writer’s credit, when they do suggest that Vancouver would want a defender and suggest trading Kylington, they suggest that it would be morally incorrect to trade him while he’s on personal absence from the team. They also undercut themselves in the very next paragraph by then suggesting the team should wait until Kylington is back and playing and then trade him, like if he played ten games after dealing with some clearly intense personal stuff it would then be just peachy.
Let’s ignore the fact that the team is 5-1 and we’re already seeing content saying that the Flames should trade for the nearly $5 million AAV player that Bruce Boudreau decided to scratch. Bruce Boudreau is much smarter than I am when it comes to hockey decisions, so if he scratches a player like that it’s either because the player is truly bad or it’s a wake-up call to a player the team is depending on. Either way, not a great trade option.
The biggest reaction this got out of me was asking if we were watching the same team, which had clearly committed to the vision of Brad Treliving and Darryl Sutter. I’m fully committed to being Darryl-pilled this season, so I’ll begin by saying that, but there’s quite frankly no way in hell that Sutter signs off on a trade like that, and clearly he has some say in how the roster is constructed so it’s a moot point.
Sutter has made it clear that wingers are his last priority in a hockey team. He constantly talks about how he likes to build his team with a strong backend and then moves to prioritize centre depth. That’s what he looks for in his roster, and if they were previously his guys, won the Stanley Cup, or did both? You know he wants them in the lineup. Sutter wants a strong goalie tandem and has that. He more or less has the defence he wants. He absolutely filleted Connor Mackey’s season debut against Buffalo because he’s not Sutter quality yet, and the fact that he turns castoffs like Erik Gudbranson (RIP - not dead but dying in Ohio) and Nikita Zadorov into the system he wants to build. He has a top six he trusts, seven with Kylington, and that’s it right now.
After that, it’s all about guys who either Sutter knows and trusts, or it’s guys who can play centre. When this first really started happening - thinking back at free agency in 2021 - a lot of it baffled me because it’s not how I would operate. Now? The team is proving to buy into the system, I’m not going to lose sleep thinking about how great it would be to trade for guys that the Flames are quite simply just never going to pursue.
Looking back to the start of free agency 2021, the pattern is obvious.
Traded for Tyler Pitlick (potential centre)
Traded for Nikita Zadorov (defensive structure)
Traded for Daniel Vladař (need that confidence in net, Dustin Wolf not ready)
Signed Blake Coleman (guy who has won Stanley Cup, potential option at centre from his New Jersey days)
Signed Trevor Lewis (Sutter guy with whom he won the Cup and can play centre)
Signed Brad Richardson (Sutter guy with whom he won the Cup and can play centre)
Signed Erik Gudbranson (defensive structure)
Traded for Tyler Toffoli (while a winger, extremely a Sutter guy with whom he won the Stanley Cup)
Traded for Calle Järnkrok (guy who can play centre)
Traded for Ryan Carpenter (guy who can play centre)
Signed Kevin ‘Roons’ Rooney (guy who can play centre)
Signed Ben Jones (guy who can play centre)
Traded for Jonathan Huberdeau, MacKenzie Weegar, and extras (Huberdeau is the outlier because of what happened with Gaudreau and moreso Tkachuk forcing the team’s hand, but also still prioritizes defensive structure in Weegar)
Signed Nazem Kadri (guy who has won the Stanley Cup and can play centre)
This team is not going to pursue the Conor Garlands of the world because it doesn’t fit the pattern, and things are a lot easier to live with when operating with that knowledge. It was like when people were suggesting that the Flames make a trade where the headline of the packages would have been Noah Hanifin and David Pastrňák. Yeah, Pastrňák would rule, but Sutter isn’t going to trade away Hanifin like that, so I’m going to spend more time on other things as a result. This team has let me know who they are, so I can spend more time playing beer-league dodgeball than doing the cap gymnastics trying to fit a $5 million winger on a team with just over $1 million in cap space.
This isn’t just unique to this one writer, so I don’t want to harp on them. Content want is at an all-time high, and the void is big. So we get stories and commentary like “Should the Flames be worried about Jacob Markström?” (No) “Is Elias Lindholm done without Gaudreau and Tkachuk?” (No) and “Should the Flames trade for X winger and trade their defence?” (No) I’m sure it’s even more outlandish on the radio shows/podcasts/what have yous.
The Calgary Flames are the best they’ve been in a long time, and that’s by design. It took me a long time to get on board with the moves the team made, but having done so, it’s made my life a lot calmer and nicer. Fully recommend it to everyone yearning for the content all the time.
I really do hope Kylington returns soon though, I really do like him.
A review of my experience Tuesday and my friend falling in love with the hockey player Nazem Kadri.
(Ed. note: love to see this kind of article waiting in the wings after the last piece talking about just enjoying the good hockey)
by Mike (@mikeFAIL)
I went and saw my first game in the Saddledome in three years. What transpired can only be described as a spiritual awakening for a friend of mine who discovered the existence of Nazem Kadri for the first time.
Worthwhile context: Brian is my former roommate who knows very little about hockey. He’s from Tennessee originally and his favourite hobby includes World of Warcraft, his dog, the NBA, and large Diet Coke from McDonald’s. He has no understanding of things like offsides, stoppages for various things, and/or the anything beyond hits/goals/saves. We both have busy lives so the fact that we were both in Calgary for a couple of days meant that we knew that a dinner at SALTLIK and a chance to go to a game was important. Additionally, my current roommate and a close friend of ours from Calgary were part of the fun.
Prior to us attending the game on Tuesday evening, Brian asked a variety of different questions. It was critical he understood the lay of the land when it came to the Penguins but also the Flames; of which included:
Brian - “Mike, are we going to see Sidney Crosby tonight?”
B - “Are the Penguins still good? Does Mario still play? Where is Mario!?”
B - “When did Mario stop playing!? I wanted to see Mario!”
B - “Does that uh, guy, Fleury still play for the Penguins?”
B - “Who is that other guy? Gary Milkin? Geno Morkin?”
B - “They have another guy - a younger one who is good. Who is he?”
He was asking about Jake Guentzel.
While we were entering the Saddledome, walking through its hallowed concourse he lobbed the following question my way which drew a very loud response from everyone around us:
B - “Mike, where do they keep the Stanley Cup?”
Me - “Not here”
[immediate laughter and looks shot our way]
B - “I fucked you there.”
When we were finally in our seats, it didn’t take long for Brian to become enamored with the existence of one Nazem Kadri. What transpires is a very close transcription of the dialogue that occurred immediately prior to Kadri’s first goal of the game:
Brian - “Mike, who is that 91? He looks feisty and ready to play”
Me - “That’s Nazem Kadri.”
B - “Naz? Like the Rapper Nas? [busts into Nas’ classic ‘If I Ruled the World (Imagine That)’]”
M - “No, Nazem Kadri. He used to play for Toronto and then Colorado. He’s really great! He just won a Stanley Cup with Colorado.”
B - “Yeah I think he’s going to score.”
[One Shift Later: Nazem Kadri scores]
B - “SEE?! WHAT DID I SAY?!”
For the next two or so hours, whenever Kadri went on the ice Brian inched to the ledge of his seat. It was like watching a precarious toddler having the potential to explode with energy and exuberance for existing in a single moment in time. The love of Kadri that he embraced head-on galvanized our section. Folks behind us and in front of us chuckled every time Kadri appeared on the ice as Brian wanted further indulgence in the arcane arts that Kadri is ever-so proficient in.
By the third period he posed the question, “Wouldn’t it be great if I became a Flames fan all because of this? I should just go head-first into this.” I laid out a carefully articulated set of arguments in favor of this:
Kadri will be under contract for seven years
The Flames have various Italians on the team. Brian isn’t Italian, but his wife is; he additionally just loves Italian food.
He likes the colour red and often wears bold clothing, expressive of his personality. Worth noting: he does look good in red too.
Mikael Backlund, who he is aware of; he often says “That’s your boy, Mikael, right?”
We had a great night and I’m confident that the next Flames game we watch he’ll be raving about Kadri still. 10/10, will go back next month for another game.
Which Blink-182 songs are the Calgary Flames?
Sports and music journalism? Wow, the Scorchstack can do it all, and we're also the first to blend sports and pop culture
by Tibs (@decayinwtheboys)
SoCal hardcore punk legends Blink-182 are back, baby! The legendary (important distinction- not the original lineup as many inferior journalism outposts would have you believe) trio of Mark Hoppus, Tom Delonge, and Travis Barker have patched things up and are embarking on a worldwide tour. In an affront to our local dollar store Barstool podcasters, they are even visiting the Saddledome and its crumbling roof, proving that the Dome is not actually a deterrent in attracting world-class talent to Calgary.
So we have two things I obsess over: Blink-182 and the Calgary Flames. This may be the easiest yet most long-winded article I have ever written.
#3- Connor Mackey- Cynical (from California)
I have no strong feelings either which way or the other on this song, but it’s obvious that it’s supposed to be imitating a much better song.
#4 - Rasmus Andersson - What’s My Age Again? (from Enema of the State)
Chaotic yet well put together, alternating between slow, sweet, technical bits and driving yet stupid guitar hooks, toeing the line between top 40 pop sensibility and the band’s punk origins, What’s My Age Again? is like Rasmus Andersson in that it is a combination of seemingly contradictory ideas that all somehow work together. Most importantly though, both the song and the player are most well-known around their respective worlds for juvenile antics.
#8 - Chris Tanev - Carousel (from Cheshire Cat)
Overlooked and underappreciated but without a doubt one of the best. As no-nonsense as Blink-182 can be.
#10 - Jonathan Huberdeau - Bored to Death (from California)
It wasn’t really a coincidence that the Flames lost Johnny Gaudreau coming off a 115-point season and replaced him with another Johnny ______eau who was also coming off a 115-point season. Although stylistically different (Gaudreau a goalscoring wizard, Huberdeau a passing one), the Flames essentially made a one-for-one swap, taking the bet that the new talent could easily replace the old one pound-for-pound even if it didn’t quite look the same.
Blink-182 made a similar swap and risk in 2016 after Tom Delonge left the band, adding in Alkaline Trio frontman Matt Skiba. While both are elite weirdos (Delonge famously alien obsessed, Skiba the “probably sleeps in a coffin” variety weirdo), Tom’s immature sense of humour defined the band, whereas Skiba’s self-seriousness stood in stark contrast to Blink’s entire persona.
However, Bored to Death initially proved that this new formation had extreme promise early on, shooting them back to relevancy and providing a new staple at live shows. Now that I think back on the rest of the Skiba era, maybe I don’t like this metaphor that much.
#11 - Mikael Backlund - Dammit (from Dude Ranch)
The best one, an absolute classic, overlooked by practically everyone. Words cannot describe my love for either of these things.
#16 - Nikita Zadorov - Family Reunion (from Short Music for Short People)
I frequently say these words whenever Nikita Zadorov does something.
#17 - Milan Lucic - All The Small Things (from Enema of the State)
Both of these things suck. They’re not good. Everyone loves them, and it is assumed that I love them too by association. I do not, and it’s not even some sort of contrarian “I hate the thing people like the most” thing. All The Small Things is a song that’s saccharine and simple in ways that are grating and reduces a legitimately talented band’s output to a song that’s so dumb and bad that hockey fans have embraced it. The song is applesauce, which is good by itself, but you are a literal baby if it’s your favourite.
Milan Lucic will be a club legend for the hockey equivalent reasons that All The Small Things is a worldwide hit.
#20 - Blake Coleman - Don’t Leave Me (from Enema of the State)
A song that is absolutely good and flawless, but doesn’t inspire that much emotion to me. I like it, I won’t name it one of my favourites.
#21 - Kevin Rooney - Generational Divide (from Nine)
As previously noted, the Matt Skiba era of Blink-182 was not that good. There was not much to expect from the second album from Blink + Skiba, but this song absolutely comes out of nowhere to smack you in the face and leaves you wondering where that came from in the best possible way. Two weeks in and that’s the Roons Experience.
#22 - Trevor Lewis - Reebok Commercial (from Buddha)
Not everything that is old is good.
#24 - Brett Ritchie - First Date (from Take Off Your Pants and Jacket)
The story behind First Date and other megahit The Rock Show is that the label wanted two clear-cut singles from the album, so Mark and Tom wrote the two songs in ten minutes, running with very basic ideas both in terms of music and lyrics, just to keep the bosses happy. Brett Ritchie is what you do if you have ten minutes and need to fill out an NHL roster.
#25 - Jacob Markström - Mutt (from Enema of the State)
Read the lyrics, and if you know, you know.
#26 - Michael Stone - Wishing Well (from Neighborhoods)
The recent Michael Stone love is partially sincerely (how could you not love a man who blasts 100mph slapshots and does nothing else?), partially ironic (haha well if we’re stuck with him forever, I guess he’s the best). It’s a stark contrast to how much he was hated pre-2021, where he was just a barnacle on the roster, sucking up money and roster space from someone more deserving. We jettisoned all the losers from the Glen Gulutzan era but somehow not him, he got to hang around for qualities we didn’t quite appreciate.
He reminds of Blink’s Neighborhoods, an album often ignored from the band’s larger catalogue because it was in the very stale Blink-182 era where they couldn’t decide if they wanted to be true to the SoCal skate punk scene they emerged from, a part of the alt/indie rock herd that was gaining steam, or if they (specifically Tom) wanted to be Angels and Airwaves. Although with time I’ve come to like it more, it’s still not that great, but Wishing Well is a song buried deep in the tracklist that I often ignored it despite being a banger.
#28 - Elias Lindholm - The Adventure (from We Don’t Need to Whisper by Angels and Airwaves)
Honesty time: I struggled picking a song for Lindholm. I think he’s a little too refined to be a Blink-182 song, so I will let him be the best Angels and Airwaves song. This is not derogatory, fuck you. Angels and Airwaves is good.
#52 - MacKenzie Weegar - Feeling This (from Untitled)
Not much to say other than wonderful.
#55 - Noah Hanifin - The Rock Show (from TOYPAJ)
I can acknowledge that a song is good without ever liking it.
#58 - Oliver Kylington - I Miss You (from Untitled)
Self-explanatory. Not even going to do a Tom voice joke.
#63 - Adam Ružička - Life’s so Boring (from the Enema of the State demos)
I guess there’s potential there, but still not much.
#73 - Tyler Toffoli - The Fallen Interlude (from Untitled)
See, I like Tyler Toffoli. He scores goals and he’s good. I also don’t like him because he skates like he’s in quicksand and generally looks out of place but I also don’t know where else he would fit on the roster. The Fallen Interlude is the same way, a pseudo hip-hop breakdown that is clumsily placed between an epic about a failing relationship and Blink’s bleakest song, a somber but furious confessional about growing up with domestic violence. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know if I like it, but I also can’t imagine the album without it.
#80 - Dan Vladař- Man Overboard (from The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show)
I’m not sure how to explain this, but a backup goalie cannot, by definition, be great. If they were great, they would be the starter. Goaltending is the job with the least duties on the team: all you need to do is stop 30 shots per game. We all know Dan Vladař can do that, but we also all know that asking him to do it for more than his mandated 26 games per year is going to get a mixed reaction.
That reminds me of one of Blink’s best songs, Man Overboard, a song that they were so unsure of that they tucked it away on a live album (there is no reason to listen to a Blink-182 live album) due to a label request. Hiding away on the band’s least essential release, still remaining unknown to a lot of the band’s fans, is a tune that has all the hallmarks of a great Blink-182 song but one that you still would waver if you had to put it in your favourites. After all, if the band doesn’t really believe in it, how good can it be?
#88 - Andrew Mangiapane - Everytime I Look for You (from TOYPAJ)
I struggled with picking a song for Mangiapane, and I had to go to bed, so I asked other Blink-182 fan of the Scorchstack Floob to help. Floob was not online. I picked his favourite Blink song for Mangiapane, who I think is his favourite non-Backlund player. I hope I’m right on both counts and that I have not shown my ass with regards to how much I know about my friend.
#91 - Nazem Kadri - Stockholm Syndrome (from Untitled)
No, this is not a joke about Flames fans convincing themselves that keeping a big money player in his 30s is a great idea, because a) I would’ve used that joke on Milan Lucic b) this is a sincere article for once c) I would never do that to Nazem Kadri, who I love and d) I would never do that to this song, which I also love. Absolute banger.
My experience in Twitter Jail
Who knew such violent comments such as an FMK will get you in so much trouble
by Konnie (REDACTED, LEGALLY WE CANNOT PUBLISH)
As some of you might know about the lovely cesspool we call Twitter, it has its very own jail, where people who say very naughty words about certain individuals all go. Unfortunately, I have found myself to be in such a situation today, as I have been put into Twitter Jail for the very first time for being a precocious little scamp.
I’ll be honest, this is my first time and I finally understand what other people complain about being here. Twitter is stupid and will lock your account for extremely stupid reasons. Want to know what got me in here? Well, it all started out with a stupid tweet shown here.
I don’t exactly know who the House Judiciary GOP really is. I am not American and even if I was, I don’t care enough to actually research what they do or what they stand for. Judging from the people in the Twitter replies (don’t read Twitter replies), it is a run-of-the-mill Republican Twitter account with its usual “anyone who supports taxes doing something productive is a satanic commie who wants to destroy Christian values”.
A couple of days ago, they posted this weird ass tweet. I guess these are the 3 pillars of republican thought/politics? Alrighty then. Now, when I see these three names bunched up together, a little light in my brain goes off, telling me “hey, this is probably the shittiest game of Fuck Marry Kill!” You know what, brain? You are right, let’s play! Here is my response.
I’d say this is pretty much the definitive response. Kanye is batshit insane but out of all of these choices, he is the least lizard-looking one. Marrying Elon is entirely for gold-digging purposes, and kill Trump because it would be pretty easy. Nothing too earth-shattering or riot-inducing right? Well…
All right then.
Up Next Week
We finally unveil Scorchstack merch and you better be ready for to get MILK’d.
Oliver Kylington please just let us know you’re doing okay, we can send you a nice cup of whatever Swedish people have.