The Big Monday Thing - Putting The Team On A Pedestal
I'm just using this space to say I think the jersey is bad. sorry. sorry everyone.
On Thursday, the Calgary Flames revealed this season’s Reverse Retro jersey, a new primary black version of the pedestal jersey, the primary design worn by the team for the bulk of the 1990s. I marked the occasion by jumping in my wayback machine and spent the majority of my time completely offline. Cannot confirm at this time if I was also clad in Bugle Boy jeans.
As such, I took in no hockey this week, and the general discourse surrounding both the team and the planet has gone about 6 kilometers completely over my head.
So this should go great.
But not all is lost, as we can get through this by relying on the one journalistic principle with which the Big Monday Thing has always adhered to above all other: just make it up until people stop paying attention to you.
The Week of: October 17th-23rd
Results From Past Week: If I told you that the only game the Flames have lost all year came at the hands of the Buffalo Sabres, you would believe me, because you are one of those normie cynical fans who think the game is over when the Flames surrender an early first period goal, and I think your life is very sad.
The rest of us would be surprised, because the Flames are a very good team, and the Sabres have the “fun to watch” label that is pasted onto your team when you have the right combination of promising young players and misfit toys who are never going to make it.
Oh, also you’d be right. Your Calgary Flames opened up the week with a convincing victory over the Golden Knights (I have no idea if it was convincing. Again, I didn’t watch the game) before dropping a 6-3 decision to the maybe suddenly good Sabres, because sample size is not a thing and results are sustainable forever.
The team concluded the week with an appearance on Hockey Night In Canada and bested the verifiably quite good Carolina Hurricanes, largely thanks to a successful offside challenge alleging the Hurricanes were offside mere moments before potting a late second period go-ahead goal. Refs are good. Video review is good. No notes.
Flames Overall Record: 4-1-0, 8 pts
Standings: 1st place in the Pacific Division, 2nd in the Western Conference. Watch your dang ass, Dallas (Dallass).
Soundtrack: I Eat Cannibals - Toto Coelo
Heard it recently. Still bangs. My theory is British New Wave from the 80’s was a hallucinogenic response to British cuisine, and like, that’s probably the best thing you could ever say about British cuisine.
Funny Big Bang Theory Clip Of The Week:
What do you think of this, as a bit? Is it funny to post, or just annoying? Does it help knowing that scouring these is absolutely going to sewer my YouTube algorithm?
What We Liked:
Ha HA, I definitely watched all the games this week, I can confidently speak on all the good the Flames pulled off over the last 7 days.
Hold on a second, let me scan a couple of things on the internet.
Oh wait no I got it!
Used to be you could get a Big Mac for $3 without a coupon
I don’t know if that’s true, but I imagine it had to be, right? Anyway, if they’re doing this promo all year, cheers to our very good friends at The Calgary Flames and McDonald’s Canada, because that’s just more money staying in your wallet. And what’s not to love about that? I just love [sponsors]!
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
Look, things are going well, but it’s not too early to blow things completely out of proportion because it’s too early in the season.
What does that even mean? I’m not sure, but it’s about Jacob Markstrom.
The Flames starting netminder is indeed one of the best in the world, and I suspect he’s going to have a pretty dang good season when this all shakes out. He’ll certainly be one of the biggest contributing factors to any success this team does or does not have. And honestly I don’t think he’s even been bad so far.
HOWEVER!
There is cause for concern. There were a few goals this week that were downright Mike Smithian. I’m thinking particularly about William Carrier’s opening goal in the Vegas game, and Calvin de Haan’s 2-0 marker in the match against Carolina. Even the go ahead goal in that one that was fortunately waved off due to an offside call was pretty egregious, Markstrom was just lucky it didn’t bite the team in that moment. Yes, it’s a team game and goals against are indicative of a breakdown in play generally well before the puck ever gets near the net. Goalies will let in softies. The great ones are not immune to that. But the best in the league very rarely let in 3 or 4 in one week, and Jacob Markstrom is one of the best in the league.
Like I said, he will be fine this season, and the team is 4-1, and it’s early, but the Flames have hurled 50 more pucks at the net than their opposition has thus far. Sometimes these games should not be as close as they are.
Enemy of the Week:
I think this proves that nobody wants to play in Calgary because of the Saddledome.
What Comes Next:
The 8 game homestand continues this week…slowly. The Flames only have 2 games on the docket, which is probably pretty advantageous, because nobody has to travel anywhere and players should be relatively fresh. The seemingly-never-going-to-decline Pittsburgh Penguins are in town tomorrow, and I want to take this time to make the following joke, in case I forget to tweet it out during the game:
Letang is French for sex.
Some team called the Edmonton Oilers roll into town on Saturday night. Cool. Never heard of them.
Weirdly Earnest Thing Of The Week:
Hey man, nothing but the speediest and total recoveries possible for Rick Ball. If you’ve been wondering why the daily voice of the Flames hasn’t been on the call much lately, well we found out why, and it is awful. It was announced at some point on Hockey Night In Canada this past weekend that Ball suffered a pulmonary embolism.
I googled what that is and yeah, medically speaking, it is Not For Me. Get your heart checked out, friends. Also, take COVID seriously. This is real shit.
Unrelated Fact:
It absolutely rocks that Phil Kessel is about to become the all time NHL Ironman. Look at that guy. Really, truly look at him. I’m not body shaming, he looks just fine, yif he were just like A Guy, but he does not fit the mold of an elite athlete who can play almost 1000 games in a row without getting hurt. NOT TO MENTION HE BEAT CANCER. To do this while still being a really effective player the entire time, it’s so impressive to me.
He is the coolest. If and when he ever misses a game, the NHL should officially stop recognizing the number of games a player appears in so that no one can ever eclipse his record.
See You Next Week:
Here was my reaction when I learned about the Dan Vladar contract extension:
“Hmmm, that’s weird”
Ask me to elaborate some other time.