Scorchstack #114 - The “Subscribe to Scorchstack” was the greatest drink invented of all time.
We liked, loved, and lusted over many things in 2022. In a rare moment of vulnerability we express gratitude for what made 2022 good for us. With the exception of Krayden.
The Scorchies are in post-Christmas vacation hangover still and we answer to no one, but the shareholders. Well guess what, bucko? The shareholders all said “write whatever you feel like for the first issue of 2023!” You know what we said? Nothing. We hung up on them immediately.
Besides, everyone is obsessing over the World Juniors right now and embracing their fullest potential of prospect perversion. That kid you never heard of before; that some weirdo from Elite Prospects, or some other website is raving about? Yeah he’s going to be a star. How good could he be? Who knows. All we know is he could be something and that gets everyone salivating.
What’s inside?
The Scorchies share what they loved in 2022. It could be music, movies, video games, events, life, the ending of Bryndlyn, or the belief that Krayden could be ran over by a snow plow.
That’s it. We’re phoning this one in, folks.
Since last issue
The Scorchies dropped for a third consecutive year and while we made you wait until the absolute last day, it was incredibly worth it.
Was Krayden on the red carpet just as worth it? You read and tell us.
Also, the NHL has a new gimmick where you can vote in players to the All-Star Game. You know what that means! Who wants a nice sticker?
Tibs’ Best of 2022
Enjoy
by tibs (@decayinwtheboys)
I didn’t consume a lot of the new releases this past year, so a lot of these are just my favourite things I enjoyed from 2022.
Music
Charli XCX- Crash (2022)
Disgusting 80s synth throwback. It scratches the one particular itch for me, that itch being that everything should be disgusting 80s synth music.
Mass of the Fermenting Dregs- World is Yours (2009)
Very cool, cover to cover bangers from a Japanese alt-rock/shoegaze band. “This is actually an EP, not an album” shut up.
GEL- Violent Closure (2021)
Finally, some good fucking hardcore (meme reference). Kicks off with a Sopranos quote. Seven songs, ten minutes long. That’s a bargain.
death’s dynamic shroud- I’ll Try Living Like This (2015)
Vibey, non-derivative vaporwave (read: not a slowed down commercial from the 80s). Not a recommendation because I think I am the only person who would sincerely enjoy it.
Nickleback- San Quentin (2022)
It’s Nickleback, baby. It rocks. It sucks. But it rocks.
Movies
Jackass Forever (2022)
Disgusting (good)!!!!!!
Crimes of the Future (2022)
Disgusting (bad, but also very good)!!!!!!
Police Story (1985)
This is a movie where Jackie Chan makes a lot of jokes and kicks a lot of ass. He destroys a mall through the power of his fists. It rocks.
Lady Bird (2017)
Just a nice movie
Crash (1996)
A movie about people who intentionally get into car crashes because it makes them horny. Pretty cool!
Games
Europa Universalis IV
I don’t know if I can put a game I’ve been playing since 2016 on my list for best stuff of 2022 but I did put a shameful number of hours into it so it once again is on my list of best stuff of 2022
MLB The Show 2022
You can throw disgusting pitches in this game
Ramz’ Best of 2022
got to leave redneck capital of canada
by Ramz
Life, I guess
I guess 2022 was eventful sort of but also not really? Not sure how to describe it. Scorchie Nathan and First Lady of Scorchstack Jess got married for the inaugural ScorchCon. The “Subscribe to Scorchstack” was the greatest drink invented of all time.
This was followed by scorchcon vip after party which was a barbecue at my house, thank you to my parents, the official parents of the scorchstack, for hosting and making great food.
If your name is Nathan and you do not write for Scorchstack, please do not ask to attend. You know our rule by now:
Baba ended the day by falling asleep on the couch while watching soccer while everyone was still over.
I also had another wedding which was my best friend and I was a bridesmaid and gave a speech at the wedding. It went well, I told everyone they fucked on the first date, it went great. I also went to the bachelorette party which was very fun.
I moved to the redneck capital of canada for a job I thought I wanted. Sucked ass! Then I moved back like two months later and got my old job back, so I guess that was an eventful summer. Those are all the highlights I guess, sorry I’m boring.
Movies and games
Cannot tell you about a single thing I consumed this year, sorry. But they removed Hairspray (2007) from Netflix :(
Music
Win the cup - w i l d
Other Things that ruled:
Nazem Kadri :)
Konnie’s Best of 2022
Things that ruled for Konnie
by Konnie
Life Things
This year was pretty tame all things considered. It was mostly a highlight of getting back into living life outside the perimeter of my house. Participated in the Great Scorch Wedding of 2022, where we saw Scorchie Nathan marry the first lady of Scorchstack herself which was one of the most fun weddings I have ever been a part of. I also was thiiiiisss close to being late for it as the same day of the wedding, I woke up in Kelowna. My flight home kept getting delayed and delayed until I was finally able to get on a plane back to Calgary, 2 hours before the wedding. What followed has a sprint out of the airport, changing into my suit mid-drive to the venue, and walking in just as the event was starting. Pretty good timing.
As well, I was able to get unbanned from the CSSC so that I was able to play the best kickball of my life alongside the Royal Scorch Couple (You can read about that saga in this Scorchtack issue).
Music
I don’t have a great taste in music )or really any media), especially for things that come out recently. Here is a list of songs that I found last year and what I liked about them.
B52’s - Private Idaho (1980)
I love multiple singers on one song and I love vocal harmonies. This some does this both and has a sick riff.
B52’s - Give Me Back My Man (1980)
This band comes back with another banger. Cindy Wilson’s best song and just one of the best vocals I’ve ever heard.
Grimes - We Appreciate Power (2020)
Finally a recent song, Grimes and Hana combine together to make a nice little throwback to industrial metal.
New Order - True Faith (1987)
Now, I am a fan of Joy Division but for some reason just didn’t give New Order a decent try. After hearing this song, I realized I should have much earlier
Killing Joke - The Wait (1980)
This band rocks and extremely underrated. Almost all of your favourite rock bands love this band.
Movies
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
It was definitely blue. The middle part drags on for quite a while, but the ending sequence is genuinely beautiful and is worth the amount of time it spends setting it up.
Love And Monsters (2020)
Totally thought this was gonna suck but it was shockingly good.
Creep (2014)
Now this is a good horror movie. Keeps you on edge and creeped out (ha!) the entire time.
Games
Fallout: New Vegas (2010)
For the 7th straight year, this is my game of the year. A true classic!
Splitgate (2021)
Portal and Halo mix that just works so well and is a better Halo game than Halo Infinite
Unreal (1997)
Top 5 game of all time. Its truly an immersive shooter, even if it has very dated graphics. Now this is how you do atmospheric adventure with a hint of horror
Mike’s Best of 2022
Life was good to me this past year!
by Mike
Life, Friends, and Whatever
I don’t overshare intentionally because there was a time when I caught Leah Kessel creeping on a previous partner I was dating because I shared more than I should have one day. Anyway: my girlfriend moved into my house and it’s great; easily the best decision and best part of 2022.
We celebrated Scorchie Nathan and First Lady of Scorchstack Jessica’s wedding this summer, which was a significant highlight of the entire year. It was capped off with our very first ScorchCon which had more visitors than the recent outdoor game in Boston — can you believe that? Baba Shlah welcoming so many Scorchstack subscribers and the Scorchies into his home.
Everyone give Baba a 39,244-minute standing ovation.
Music, Media, and Games
I spent a lot of 2022 playing video games and what follows are my “games of the year”…
Tactics Ogre: Reborn
I picked this up in December and I’ve put… 200+ hours into my save file already. For anyone who loves tactical RPGs (or TRPGs for the experts), this is a phenomenal remake-of-a-remake of Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together for the PSP, which was a remake of a Super Famicom game.Elden Ring
This was my first Soulsborne game I had ever completed. It turns out that there is a venn diagram when it comes to Soulsborne games and sports fandom; Elden Ring is perfectly in the center of that. Anytime a game that looks that good and sucks me into two complete playthroughs (over 200+ hours), well, you know it’s going to be a great time.Dark Souls III
Did this game come out in 2022? Fuck no! Does that matter? Fuck no! I finally caved, bought, played through it, played through it again, and played through it again partially. I love Dark Souls III and it’s my now my favourite video game of all-time. The value of these games aren’t souly (pun intended; laugh please) for entertainment reasons, but to build you up. They teach you patience, perseverance in the face of a weird fucking dancing-boss who kicks your ass for five hours straight, gives you an ulcer due to the rage you feel taking on the Nameless King for two straight days.
Oh yeah and I played a lot (and continue to, at the detriment of missing Flames games on Tuesdays) of World of Warcraft Classic. Now to break that top-5000 paladin ranking worldwide.
Albums I really liked this year include:
Cult of Luna - The Long Road North
Gloomy, cold, brash post-metal from the preeminent post-metal band. A perfect sequel to their flawless 2019 release, A Dawn to Fear.Trenches - Reckoner
They promised this record would come out over a decade ago which is when I last had a head of hair. It’s a great screamo/hardcore/post-metal experience.Rolo Tomassi - Where Myth Becomes Memory
The lads and lass from Sheffield have done it again. Another modern masterpiece in the post-hardcore/screamo/experimental hardcore space.Old Gods - Give Them Colour (EP)
Hardcore EP themed around wrestling? Yes!Chat Pile - God’s Country
Probably the best record of 2022 and I am never wrong.
Other Things that ruled:
The Oilers didn’t win the Stanley Cup and now everything around them seems miserable, with a high risk of missing the playoffs this season. If a god exists, he has redeemed himself with the state of the Oilers currently. Eat all the shit, Oilers fans. Your misery is all I need for nourishment.
Nathan’s Best of 2022
I don’t know if you know this but I got married
by Nathan (@hanoten)
Life
As mentioned once or twice in the issue, I got married this summer and it was perfect. Truly getting married to my now wife - The First Lady of Scorchstack - was everything I wanted it to be. We had almost no stress in planning the wedding (something that we both agree to be true) and just had the perfect day! We also got like 3,000 photos between our incredible photographers and the photobooth. We drank the open bar dry which I did not realize was an option but would highly recommend, and the venue staff said we were the best and smoothest event they had all year which was a really nice compliment that I am obsessed with. Please enjoy two photos I have selected to show off cool stuff about getting married.
I also want to take a moment to highlight that Jess did the chair part of the Horah and it was probably the most stressed she was during the entire wedding, but she knew it was important to me and powered through it. She panicked and I laughed at her, but we did it and are now happily married.
It was so much fun that I somehow lost my shoes and just went through the day after without shoes, including showing up to Scorchcon at Ramz’ barefoot and accidentally stepped on some rocks getting in, and it truly did not matter because Scorchcon was incredibly good and the food was immaculate.
I still get to host the best trivia night in the city and it boggles my mind how many people show up weekly to hear me and my buddy Miles ask them dumb questions. Sadly Broken City is closed for renos but while we were on, we were truly in the best of it.
Sled Island returned this year and quite honestly melted my face off. Not a single bad show. What a perfect little festival.
I keep convincing more and more pals to do dumb sports with me and it rules. Beer league sports are where it’s at! I’m comfortably at a point where I’m tired of regional/national/international competitions and just want to play with people who are out to have fun, and the dumber the sport the lower the stakes are.
The first nine months of the year were great! This is a best of 2022 list so I’m not going to focus on the last little bit all that much, except to say I hope my trivia bar where I host finishes its renovations soon (they won’t) because I am losing it without that rock in my life. Otherwise, Jess and I are blitzing through Taskmaster at an unprecedented pace and I look forward to trying to host my own Taskmaster next summer. Also now that Jess has her passport with her new name, we can finally go on a honeymoon.
Here are two more photos from the wedding! And then a bunch of media I enjoyed this year.
Scorchstack forever.
Music
The actual stuff from 2022 list in alphabetical order
A Really Good Spot - Justin Wright
I love good cello music and so does my cat Chester because this is his favourite song (not a bit) and his new album was fantastic. Liked the first half a bit more than the second half admittedly, but hope he composes cello synth music for a long time.
Blue Rev - Alvvays
Every time Alvvays announces they are going to release an album, I wonder if it will border into being a bit too twee, and yet they just constantly make fantastic music without ever making me cringe. A delight!
Bronco - Orville Peck
Yeehaw cowboy.
Colder Streams - The Sadies
Seeing The Sadies in 2012 at the #1 Legion is one of my all-time Sled shows, and the loss of Dallas Good is such a fucking shame. The only consolation is that he went on at the top because Colder Streams is perfect Sadies.
Expert in a Dying Field - The Beths
One of the few times Spotify has got a recommendation right. They were correct that I love illuminati hotties and therefore would love The Beths.
Farm to Table - Bartees Strange
Could not be more excited to see him curate Sled Island next year after opening for The National last summer.
The Garden - Basia Bulat
Biased by seeing this live at Folk Fest with full backing strings, but more artists should follow this concept and do a Best Of album with proper orchestration.
Lucifer On The Sofa - Spoon
Spoon is one of my favourites and LOTS did not disappoint! It was a great summer soundtrack (especially “Wild”) that I am definitely biased over because they headlined Folk Fest. What a treat!
To Not Now, Nor To Ever, Despair - Geotic
This got a super minimal release, but it’s my favourite ambient listen of the year. Great for putting on and doing chores or just taking a second to breathe.
THE UNRAVELING OF PUPTHEBAND - PUP
My mental health took a nosedive in the last two months of the year and this summed everything up perfectly. But also was great when I was in a great headspace! The duality of PUP.
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (Super Deluxe Edition) - Wilco
I don’t care if this is a 20-year reissue, I bought the $250 vinyl set and it was super worth it.
The stuff I got into last year so it might as well make the list
The Double EP: A Sea of Split Peas - Courtney Barnett
After years of knowing I would probably like Courtney Barnett, I probably gave her music a listen and what do you know.
one hand on the steering wheel the other sewing a garden - Ada Lea
Very potent songwriting that hits real good when nothing seems to be going right.
Purple Moonlight Pages - R.A.P. Ferreira
This whole album is good enough to be on here but LAUNDRY is good enough to put this album on alone. Superb song about doing laundry.
Movies
Everything Everywhere All At Once
I loved everything about this movie! Outside of Into The Spiderverse, I think it’s the only movie in the last little bit of time that I went to go see again in theatres. Just sublime.
Glass Onion
Wasn’t as good as the first one, but still a fun little romp. Not enough movies are like that anymore!
Jackass Forever
Very much of the opinion that Jackass is at its best when they are demolishing themselves and not other people (bystanders are fine) but few things are more cathartic than laughing at it.
The Menu
Went to go see this for Jewish Christmas and cannot stop thinking about it. I keep telling folks that when movies describe themselves as dark comedies, it’s usually just an outlet to be shitty and hateful. This is extremely dark and extremely funny, with everyone in the cast hitting their notes. Also the soundtrack by Colin Stetson is a banger, debated putting it in my top music but figured it made more sense here.
Video Games
Horizon Forbidden West
The first Horizon game might have been my game of the 2010s, so knew this was not going to hold up. It was mostly still extremely good, but the ending is bonkers and the game could have cut some stuff. Mostly the excess weapons and everything.
Mario+Rabbids: Sparks of Hope
I can’t believe that both of these games are as good as they are. Mario + gun should not be this good, but for my money they are better than the XCOM games.
Marvel Snap
This is also a game that had no business being this fun. A free-to-play Marvel phone game? In 2022? But damn if the deckbuilding mechanics aren’t fantastic and the short nature of matches means it never gets stale. Having a great time playing and will never, ever spend a dime on this game.
Pokémon Legends: Arceus
A lot of people described this as a sandbox game, full of ideas but didn’t deliver on all of them. Don’t care! A lot of these ideas were great and who cares about how good trees look in a game.
Worth mentioning for reasons:
Stray
Loved this game for the first third and then less and less as it went on. Absolutely butchered the ending. Totally whiffed on the charm of the game, which was just a cat that listens to you and wants to be a nuisance and find the kitty friends.
God of War: Ragnarok
Haven’t played this yet cause that’s too much to spend on a video game right now, but fully expect to love it once I get around to it.
Floob’s Best of 2022
Floob does it again!
by ed. (no notes)
Up Next Week
Prospect perverts are done freaking out about some kid from Sweden, or writing op-ed’s about how [insert random hockey team in the NHL] really will regret drafting a player in [insert any recent draft year but for the sake of flawlessly framing a perfect prediction let’s go with 2022’s draft] because of their WJC performance. We’re going to roast them for being bozos.
Krayden has been waived and sent to Wranglerstack. We might hear from him again, we might not.
We analyze Theo Fleury’s brain and what we find lodged in his frontal lobe will shock you!