The Big Monday Thing: Week 3
This is scheduled to drop at the exact same time that an NHL team can claim Tony Deangelo off waivers. Let's hope this isn't a real "Hmmmm....small world" moment
Bienvenue dans une nouvelle édition de The Big Mond...Sorry, I forgot we don’t need to do that again for a while. Welcome to a brand new Big Monday Thing. The people have been unable to stop raving about last week’s inaugural issue, and after seven days, one truth stands paramount above them all: nobody read the Big Monday Thing.
But if there was any wisdom to gain from recent developments in stock market news - which is where I learn all of my lessons - it’s that patience is a virtue, and big returns don’t happen overnight. So we’re back at it for another week, with a fresh canvas, unfettered optimism, and an endless opportunity for growth. If you people don’t like this, I am going to just implode.
Up and at them!
The Week of: January 25th-31st
Results From Past Week: The Flames embarked upon a fresh new hunk of schedule, and kicked it off the same way they ended the previous one: with a 4-3 loss to Toronto, in which Leafs fans (and keep in mind their team won both of these games) have only been able to muster up discourse surrounding Matthew Tkachuk ever since. Our dear sweet boy. Our heroes then sojourned to Montreal, leaving David Rittich out to dry, fending off both literal and figurative wolves, before kinda showing up but still needing a Jacob Markstrom shutout to power them through in the rematch with the Habs, putting a halt to their three-game skid.
Flames Overall Record: 3-3-1, 7 points
Standings: 6th place in the North Division, ahead of only the Ottawa Senators, which basically means last, but at least they’ve played fewer games than anyone else.
Soundtrack: Cold Blooded Old Times - Smog
Bill Callahan, also known as Smog, wrote Cold Blooded Old Times back in 1999. The first half of the song is about how Sam Bennett is going to get traded straight up for Victor Mete, and the bridge goes on to theorize how Brad Treliving will follow that up by dealing Noah Hanifin for an impact forward in the top 6.
What We Liked: Okay, so first of all, the main takeaway is, despite some unfavourable results with regards to wins and losses, there’s a lot to like about Calgary’s play. The numbers suggest they’re a bit unlucky, and things should even out soon, but they are dictating the pace of play more than you would expect. This is a nice way of saying “well it could have been worse”.
There’s no way to get around it, Jacob Markstrom is killing it. I am loathe to make any comparisons to Miikka Kiprusoff, because ultimately they are not similar goalies, but the one trait they do share is making you feel confident that they’re going to make that next save. Nobody loves David Rittich more than I do, but it’s been a very long time since we’ve felt the guy guarding the pipes in Calgary was practically infallible. That’s some Kipper energy right there. Feels good.
Johnny Gaudreau is making it really hard for our favourite columnist Francis Ericsson (ed. note: any resemblence to other controversial Flames writers is purely coincidental) to criticize his play. Francis is still doing it because he’s a consummate professional, but at least Johnny is making him work for it. He’s over a point per game so far in this early season and the ice looks like it belongs to him when he’s on it. If he’s able to maintain anywhere near the kind of production we’re already seeing, he is going to be a tiny monster down the stretch, which is the best kind, because it’s still a monster who deserves your respect, but I won’t have nightmares of it when I close my eyes at night.
Sam Bennett has requested a trade! How can you not love that? We’re not going to have to convince ourselves that he’s good anymore!
What We Would Prefer Not To See: It’s a short season, and wins and losses count for just a little bit more than normal, so, as much as some times these things just happen, the Flames cannot afford to have, say, three-game losing streaks when all the games you’re playing all year are against division rivals. Yeah, they might be in the top 5 for XG%, which is a very encouraging sign, but there’s a difference between the goals you’re expected to score and the ones you do score. The Flames are a better team than merely “6th place in the division standings”, but right now, they are technically just that. It’s up to them to move their way up.
A great way to bridge that gap is eliminating large stretches of games where they take an entire period off. You need to take shots to score goals. Someone needs to remind Geoff Ward of that from time to time.
We should probably talk about the Dillon Dube thing. The hit against Jesper Kotkaniemi in the rematch vs. Montreal was not great. It seemed to me like he was genuinely surprised when Kotkaniemi doubled back behind his net, but Dube nonetheless got his hands up on the Montreal forward and scrambled him up real good. Dube is very lucky that he escaped any supplemental discipline, but really the thing we don’t like is the implication we’ve seen from Montreal circles suggesting Dillon Dube is a dirty player. How fucking dare you, do you know who you’re talking about?
Enemy of the Week: Jake Muzzin
Jake Muzzin clearly tries to decapitate perfect angel Matthew Tkachuk with a slap shot from close range while our little sweetheart is in a prone position. Young Matthew was so rattled, he looked to be very unstable as he left the ice, likely still in shock after surviving an attempt on his life.
Scorchstack’s legal team has informed me they are looking to bring charges upon Muzzin, citing a toxic workplace that is causing undue stress on Matthew Tkachuk, and it would behoove all of us in the Scorchieverse to mobilize and get the ball rolling in the search for justice. Jake Muzzin is our enemy of the week, and also he should be thrown in a county fair corn maze of which there is no exit.
What Happens Next/We Were Right: Last week, I predicted that Matthew Tkachuk would goad Zach Bogosian into at least a retaliation double minor spanning from the previous game, and that Tkachuk himself would factor into the resulting power play goals.
And I was exactly right.
Bogosian tried to bite into the fleshy neck of the Flames franchise player and chew on the tendons inside. It did not work, Tkachuk scored two goals on the power play, and the Flames beat the Leafs 6-3 in a game you absolutely may not go review a boxscore of.
That makes me 1-0 on the season for getting things right. Let’s keep the ball rolling. One player who has perhaps surprisingly yet to make an impact this season is Andrew Mangiapane, with 1 single point in 7 games. My prediction is the Bread Boy will finally settle in with his new linemates, and I can confidently say by this time next week, he will have at least doubled his production. Lofty goals, but I believe in him.
Funny picture I made that no one in the Scorchstack DM acknowledged in any way, not even a pity cry-laughing emoji:
Unrelated Fact: Adam Copeland, better known as Edge, won the 2021 WWE Royal Rumble last night, entering at number 1 and eliminating all 29 other entrants, becoming just the third wrestler in the history of the event to start the match and go the distance. He’s like 1000 years old and it was appalling.
See You Next Week: Count me in the camp of people who don’t believe Jonathan Kay has actually been using dog shampoo in his own hair. You have to look at what’s not being said, and that part of this entire thing is screaming at you that he’s doing this to keep you from finding out that he actually did something much dumber.