The Big Monday Thing: Week 1.5
This is not Tony Deangelo. Please stop saying this is Tony Deangelo
You have a busy life (maybe). You love the Calgary Flames (maybe), but the task of knowing every single detail that unfolds over a course of the season is a daunting one. We understand. Here at The Scorchstack Network, or TSN, we’re not busy at all, so leave the minutia to us. Every Monday, unless I forget, I will attempt to distill the tedium of the previous week of Flames hockey into one digestible, if not incomplete summary. Forgot who scored the big goal, or who made the big defensive play to preserve the win? Me too, but I remember who won, so at least we’ve got that.
For our inaugural Big Monday Thing, I am combining the first two weeks of this COVID-shortened 2021 campaign, as both were relatively sparse with game action, and did not provide much in terms of blatantly obvious takeaways even I couldn’t miss. Otherwise, a standard calendar week has 7 days (fyi), and that’s what these segments will cover, as that’s about all I have the attention span for.
The Week(s) of: January 13-24, 2021
Results From Past Week(s): The Flames blew it in the opener, which I think we all assumed was inevitable, coughing up a lead against Winnipeg and losing in overtime, before back to back wins against a version of the Vancouver Canucks that looks like it was built by Jim Benning. Our heroes returned to lose a close game against the Toronto Maple Leafs, which, predictably, was annoying.
Flames Overall Record: 2-1-1, 5 pts
Standings: 4th place in the North Division
Soundtrack: Turn Out The Lights - Julien Baker
This is a song about having problems that you caused yourself, and are alone in fixing.
/looks at Hanifin-Tanev pairing
Hmmm, actually I’m not sure why I chose this one.
What We Liked: Geoff Ward’s children (I don’t want to keep saying just “the Flames”) actually kicked off the season with some pretty good hockey, and early on, the players that are paid to provide offence seem to be doing exactly that. Johnny Gaudreau looks refreshed and dangerous (Francis Ericsson is texting me unsolicited notes that I shan’t be adding to this), Matthew Tkachuk is as Matthew Tkachuk as he’s ever been, and Sean Monahan looks like the finisher we’re used to when it’s not the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
The new-look lineup, so far, seems to be living up to its intended purpose of distributing more balanced offence across the top 3 lines, with Elias Viktor Zebulon Lindholm taking advantage of the new matchups more than anyone else. For now, Lindholm looks quite comfortable as the 1a center.
The power play is keeping the ship afloat in the early going, sporting a 39% success rate. That will even out over time, but for right now: hey, that’s great.
Also Jacob Markstrom is still good! If he pans out over the majority of his deal, I will delete any tweet I wrote casting doubt over the decision to sign him, and deny they ever existed at all.
What We Would Prefer Not To See: No one is exactly sure what his official status is, but as it stands right now, our affable sweetheart Dillon Dube is nursing an injury, depriving the Scorchieverse of both his results on the ice, and also his grizzled, 46-year-old beard. If we have to go even one more game without seeing Dube, I am telling you now I’m not responsible for whatever it is that I do next.
Given the extremely limited sample size, bad results on the ice (hell, the good ones too) should come with however many grains fit into a hunk of rocksalt, but there are a couple of early trends to be concerned about. First, no Flame has spent more time on the ice than either Noah Hanifin and Chris Tanev, and what the hell is that all about? They haven’t been bitten in the ass by it yet, but perhaps a couple of games against teams that aren’t as bad as the Vancouver Canucks will shake some sense into the coaching staff (especially with some promising, albeit sheltered early returns from the third pairing of Juuso Valimaki and Nikita Nesterov).
Milan Lucic is terrible. It’s going to be a bumpy road here, folks.
Finally, we’ve already seen the garbage flag jerseys once, without even a single, meagre glimpse of our best friend Blasty. Who plans this shit? Give us the horse.
Enemy of the Week: No one has ruined the Calgary Flames so far this season more than the Calgary Flames, something I’m sure Jacob Markstrom will attest to. Most of the goals against this season have been self-inflicted in some way. A glass half full type might say at least the team is limiting scoring chances from the actual competition, which, fine, I guess, but goals against still count the same even when it’s Dominik Simon putting it behind Markstrom. The next player to deflect in a goal against is going to have to spend a day helping George Canyon go door to door garnering support for his next Conservative Party MP campaign.
What Happens Next/We Were Right: This coming week will be insufferable, so get drinking now. The Flames are contractually obligated to participate in a rematch with the Leafs, before venturing out to La Belle Province for a back to back with the Habs. That’s going to be a lot of fans and a lot of media types telling you how special it is to be playing against those hallowed teams. Do not stand for it. You deserve better.
In future, this section will also be where I make a, uh, bold prediction for the next seven days, as well as a chance to brag about how last Monday I guessed everything 100% correct, which will be happening a lot. You’re going to have to get used to that. Obviously, as this is our first trip around the block on the Big Monday Thing, we don’t have any previous predictions to look back on, but just assume I’m right about whatever anyway.
Anyway, let’s get wild. As mentioned, the Flames are up next against Toronto, and the Buds are already up in arms about Matthew Tkachuk (Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms), upset about what they perceive as an intentional attempt at, I think being knocked into goaltender Jack Campbell, who appeared to be nursing a leg injury? Is that what they think happened? That is adorable. I suspect that our perfect angel will be in Toronto’s crosshairs, and Tkachuk, a genius, will take that bile and goad a Leaf - let’s say Zach Bogosian - into a Zack Kassian special (a double minor AT MINIMUM in an effort to get revenge).
Matthew Tkachuk is flawless and everyone else is stupid.
Best Theo Fleury Tweet:
Unrelated Fact: On this day in 1998, Britain’s Queen Mother checked in to receive emergency hip replacement surgery. This is notable, as only a short four years later, she would die.
Really makes you think.
See You Next Week: When dogs cock their heads to the side when you’ve done something to confuse them, it’s because they think that motion flips a switch that makes the earth’s axis spin in a new direction, believing the sudden impact from the change in momentum will fling you off the planet completely.
Not so cute now, is it?