The Big Monday Thing - This Space For Rent
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If last week’s issue of the ScorchStack arrived in your inbox twice, we apologize, even though that was Substack’s fault, and they sent the issue a couple of times due to some technical glitch with their mail servers or drunk interns or something. But this also meant that we doubled the readership we normally earn because of it, so I hope it happens again. If we’re going to duplicate our usual weekly pace twice over, that can only mean one thing: shameless pleas for monetization. This space for rent. The Big Monday Thing could pivot to a sports betting column so quickly (total 9.5) that no one would even notice.
The Week of: April 4th-10th
Results From Past Week:
A road trip through California running down all the local hockey teams is just what the doctor ordered, as your Calgary Flames are now currently enjoying a hot off the press four-game winning streak. The Flames earned a measure of revenge against the Los Angeles Kings after dropping one in Calgary the week prior, taking a 3-2 victory at the, that’s right, Crypto.com Arena. The Crypt. The BitCoin Barn. Pretty cool.
The team then made the Anaheim Ducks look like Anaheim Dicks, forever making us forget about that silly Honda Curse from a few seasons ago. The Flames departed California by finally, FINALLY beating the San Jose Sharks, the best team in the league. Both of those were 4-2 triumphs in consecutive nights, which is impressive because the Flames were the stronger looking team throughout.
Seattle is in Washington State, but Calgary beat them on this road trip too, so let’s just pretend their 4-1 victory to round out the week also happened in the Golden State.
Flames Overall Record: 44-19-9, 97 pts
Standings: 1st place in the Pacific Division, 2nd in the Western Conference. The Colorado Avalanche have basically wrapped up first in the Western Conference, but the Flames are right there. 6 points will clinch a playoff spot, 12 points the Pacific Division. 3 points to land on 100. Been a pretty decent season thus far.
Soundtrack: Waiting - PUP
I know I put a PUP song on here fairly recently, but I saw the band perform live over the weekend, and it was predictably incredible, so back on the soundtrack they go.
Also, we are indeed just Waiting for the Flames to clinch their postseason berth, so hey, look at that, I tied all of this together.
What We Liked:
I’m going to get negative here for a second, but I will gather all these thoughts and turn them into something positive, so bear with me.
I don’t like Michael Stone. Ditto for Connor Mackey. I do not care for Trevor Lewis. These players offer a pittance of value between the three of them, and you’re in bad shape if you find yourself relying on any of them.
But one of the things we’ve discussed at length around these hallowed grounds is making sure the top players stay rested and in healthy condition, giving them nights off to prevent overuse. That was a point made specifically in reference to Jacob Markström, but it theoretically applies to others as well.
So it was actually a pretty smart plan easing these guys into the games over the past little while (I know Trevor Lewis has not missed a game all year, but he just seems to fit in here spiritually). We know Oliver Kylington is nursing an injury, and with the Flames comfortably atop the division, we know he won’t be rushed back. Nikita Zadorov and Erik Gudbranson have taken on a lot of wear and tear this year, so they’ve been given some time off. Calle Järnkrok got his Iron Hook stuck in a closet door.
Load management is a good thing. If you can rest your regulars and give time to Lewis, Mackey, Stone, and Juuso Välimäki, plus get some offensive contributions from them AND still win all your games, that’s just the equivalent of McDonald’s plus-sizing your combo even though you didn’t order it.
Brett Ritchie still sucks out loud though.
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
Pretty rude of the Kraken to not let Johnny Gaudreau get his 100th point on the season.
Enemy of the Week:
The Flames have won four in a row, hard to be too perturbed at just about anyone while this is going on.
That’s why this week’s enemy is Minnesota Twins center fielder Byron Buxton. The 2022 Major League Baseball season is underway, and as the official Calgary Flames Substack of the Seattle Mariners, I’m pleased to report the boys from the Emerald City are cruising, sporting a 2-1 record against the Twins to open the year thus far.
But this Buxton motherfucker has already hit three dingers off Mariners pitching, and has been a baseball vacuum for any ball Seattle hits into center field. It’s been really annoying and I think he should stop.
What Comes Next:
The Flames will wrap up a few season series in the next week, as the familiar faces of the Seattle Kraken roll into town on Tuesday for their final match in the Saddledome during this inaugural campaign. On Thursday, Johnny Gaudreau and Friends have the chance to do some very real damage to the playoff hopes of the Vegas Golden Knights, before the Arizona Coyotes round the week out on Saturday by, I don’t know, merely existing.
Unselfish Dillon Dubé Play That Was Pretty Adorable Of The Week:
Dillon Dubé is a very nice boy. It’s safe to say the kid from Cochrane has been a little bit snakebit this year. He’s scored 10 goals but could have an extra 40 on his notch if not for goal posts, ridiculous saves, and run-of-the-mill bad luck.
So when he found himself with an open stretch of ice and a wide-open net to salt away the game against the Kraken, it seemed like a no-brainer. Perhaps he, quite wisely, knew that with his luck he would fire the puck directly into the 16th row.
So instead, he gave the honours to linemate Tyler Toffoli, allowing the third newest Flame to score his 20th goal of the year. I don’t know if Dubé knew Toffoli was sitting on 19, but if he did, this is really cute.
Unrelated Fact:
We were talking about the best cheap slice of pizza in the Scorchie group chat as I’ve been writing this, and it reminded me of the story of the Bootleg pizza chain from 2017. Seemed like a bad idea to post all the tweets here, so I’ve saved them as images, but you can read the thread here. I hope this whole chain is still operational. Give me the fake pizza.
See You Next Week:
This Friday is Good Friday, but I think calling it that marginalizes the remaining days of the week. Why can’t your Wednesday be Good too? Lots to think about.