Everyone keeps talking about the magic numbers that the Flames need to clinch a playoff spot or clinch the division and I know an amateur magician whose name is Wyatt and I’m pretty sure he would agree that none of this is magic? Like at least pull a new eight year x $9.5M contract out of Johnny’s helmet or something.
What’s inside?
Konnie is already looking ahead to next season, debating the Flames could do with that extra cool mil in cap space.
Nathan on the other hand isn’t done with this season yet, and looks at how to squeeze a bit more out of the options the Flames have from within.
It’s Mariners baseball time baby. Tibs previews the Seattle Mariners within Scorchstack. This is not a joke.
Mike keeps having thoughts and the world is a better place for it. Mike Thoughts.
The top 10 Calgary Flames related Chris Rock/Will Smith memes.
Since last issue
ScorchStack #80 was the first time that we tried rolled out premium Scorchstack to our subscribers, and the response was overwhelmingly positive. Be sure to subscribe today to avoid missing out on articles like where we unveiled the long-awaited Corsi 2. Our next premium Scorchstack will unveil our internal prediction model so sign up today if you don’t want to miss out.
Big Monday Thing was back. Will Big Mike Thing return one day? Irrelevant, we’re talking about Big Monday Thing right now.
The Flames lost some games, but then they beat the L.A. Kings. Drew Doughty is dead, Sean Durzi is now enemy #1.
- does this count as a goal vibes y/n. this is important for the scorchstack analytics departmentShots: 33-15 us. Hopes: High for an equalizer soon.Calgary Flames @NHLFlames
Since the Flames lost this game, we answered this question.
I don’t know, the Grammys?
Different ways the Flames can spend an extra $1 million within the cap
Because only in this league is a $1mil cap increase is a big deal
By Konnie (@konnie49)
With everyone obviously glued to their phones waiting to hear the latest news coming out of the NHL GM meetings last week, the NHL released that the salary cap will be increasing for next year, going up a whole $1 million. Exciting news!
While yes, it’s an extremely pitiful amount in the grand scheme of things, especially when you look at other leagues and see the astronomical amounts of money that teams are allowed to spend, it is something. I guess. Of all the teams that could use a slight increase in the cap, it definitely is the Calgary Flames. Our lovely boys in red are headed to an extremely challenging offseason with so many players needing to be re-signed and with only so much money to do so. And how will our lovely boys in red use this little bit of pocket change they get this offseason? Well, let’s examine!
Split it halfway between Johhny Gaudreau and Matthew Tkachuk
With the two biggest free agents this off-season assuredly asking for huge contracts, it’s only fair to assume that any free change or space will go directly to Johnny and Tkachuk so that the Flames retain their services. Taking this newfound cap space and splitting it up in half to go both ways is the easiest way to about using this space without causing any unnecessary drama.
Have Gaudreau and Tkachuk duke it out for the million
On the other hand, BRING ON THE DRAMA! Splitting two ways is really boring, let’s make a competition out of this!
Maybe the entire million goes to the one who scores the most this season. Or the two have to arm wrestle for it (RIP John Michael). Maybe even a competition to see who could read the most books by the end of the season.
Just kidding on the last one, neither of them can read we all know they only read Scorchstack.
Buyout someone
Well, if you are gonna get free cap space anyway, might as well try to create some more. It’s Brad Treliving’s favourite way of getting more cap space, and a fun use of Murray Edwards’ cash.
There aren’t too many candidates eligible for a buyout. Milan Lucic’s contract is so terrible that the team wouldn’t get any relief from doing it. Add that to the fact for some reason the team actually likes keeping the guy around, he is definitely playing out the rest of his deal.
That leaves us with Sean Monahan. Unlike Lucic, Monahan’s deal is not bonus-laden and all of his signing bonuses have been paid out. As such, a buyout would give the Flames $4 million in additional cap space before the extra million kicks in. That’s quite a considerable amount of space that goes a long way to retain Johnny, Tkachuk, Mangiapane, Kylington, etc.
On the other hand, Monahan was just recently put on to LTIR after needing surgery on his other hip. That’s right. Two straight years of hip surgery for a guy at age 27. This man is beyond banged up. There is a serious chance that he might not play at all next year, or potentially ever. With that gruesome thought, the plan might be for the Flames to keep him all throughout next year on LTIR. This way, they would have $6.375 million in cap space, not just $4 million as they would from a buyout. Nor would they have a $2 million buyout penalty for the 2023-24 season. LTIR gets confusing quite quick, so it’s not as foolproof of a plan as it might seem, but definitely an option that I’ll just sneak into this point anyway.
Just go over the cap now and take the $1 million cap penalty for next year
Something that I learned recently, teams can just go over the cap and the penalty is that the amount you go over is taken off of your cap for next year. With this being a clear cut Go For It year, why not just risk the $1 million cap penalty and call up a bunch of players before the end of the season. Ružička and Mackey are already up, why not bring in another forward? Perhaps a slightly shorter winger who has absolutely torn up the AHL and just begging to get a call-up? And then bring up the rest of Stockton to clear the aforementioned $6.375 million of cap space for Monahan being on LTIR, come on Brad go nuts.
Spend it on yet another player that will block Matthew Phillips from making the team
Yeah, this is 100% what the Flames will do.
Commit a CBA or Salary Cap violation
Just flat out attempt to circumvent the cap, or try to sign a player that is completely ineligible to be signed like a prospect that can’t be offer-sheeted. Is there any good reason to? Not really, but it would be really funny if the Flames tried to sign a player mid-contract or something equally as dumb.
So there are a few suggestions on how the Flames can smartly spend their extra $1 million in cap space for next year. It’s not much in the grand scheme of things but what kid/team hasn’t spent all their money on shit they don’t need.
Who can the Flames get more out of down the stretch and into the playoffs?
The X Factor? You mean like that British American Idol? No thank you.
by Nathan (@hanoten)
After a brief skid losing three straight in which you could argue your Calgary Flames should have deserved better results, the team righted the ship against the Los Angeles Kings on Monday night. Tonight, they see the shine of Ryan Getzlaf for the final time, and have a whole series of extremely winnable games coming up, which is nice.
And yet, that three-game lapse is still rather fresh for everyone, not because of the not real, sports-induced PTSD that this team has given everyone, but because it shows that there are maybe some holes in this team that deserve more attention. With Sean Monahan (sincerely: RIP), Calle Järnkrok, Oliver Kylington, and I suppose Brett Ritchie as well all missing time lately, the depth of the Flames is getting tested.
Feels like a team that has aspirations of winning multiple rounds shouldn’t need to rely on the sheer determination of Adam Ružička and the continually rebuilt $700,000-man Michael Stone. And yet, here we are.
So instead, let’s look at three different options that the Flames might choose to elevate instead to close out this season strongly and do some damage in the playoffs.
Matthew Phillips
Like all the Scorchies, although none as dedicated as Scorchie Floob, I want to see what the 5’8 wunderkind can do. What else can be said about the former Victoria Royal? He is scoring at a 1.10 PPG pace, and points are good. He’s the all-time leading scorer for the Stockton Heat, which is both impressive for him and also indicative of the Flames’ pipeline during the Treliving era. This kid has done it all, and only gets one meaningless game during a COVID year?
Now you, a pleb who cares deeply for the AHL for some reason and reads Scorchstack as an inspiration to grow, might fuss about what that might do for the team chemistry, as apparently Stockton is incredibly good this year and have their own playoffs to worry about. To you, real person and not just walking aggregate content I’ve made up for this argument, I have two things to say.
One: Stockton could win five Calder Cups in a row and no one outside the franchise and its employees would give a shit if the Flames couldn’t win a round. They don’t have banners for your kids in the rafters.
Two: Dustin Wolf could win with literally anybody in front of him, so it’s a moot point.
Sam Bennett
Yes, I know, we’ve been down this road before. The legend of 18-year-old Sam Bennett looms large over the former 4th overall pick for someone who just couldn’t quite put it together during the regular season. But as we head down the stretch and into the playoffs, this is his time to absolutely shine.
We all know the numbers. In 30 playoff appearances with the Calgary Flames, Bennett scored 11 goals and added on eight assists as he tried his damndest to get the Flames to out of the second round, but it was not meant to be. Last year, as we all know, the Flames did not make the playoffs in the Scorchiabank North Division so there is nothing fresh to compare, but if Bennett and the Flames had made the playoffs, we can rightfully assume he would have been good for something like one goal and four assists in yet another loss in the first round.
Now, yes, I’ll be the first to admit that the product of definitely a real place East Gwillimbury, Ontario has been uncharacteristically quiet this year for the Flames, even by his usual regular-season metrics. I’ve only really noticed him in one game this season, where he had that goal when the Flames played at home against the Panthers and won 5-1. But if he can have another monster performance when it’s all on the line, none of that will matter.
Father Time
Okay, I know, this one is a little out there, but hear me out. Father Time might be the single greatest athlete of all-ti….forever. There’s a reason that we say that Father Time is undefeated. Think about all the greats who have gone up against him. Babe Ruth. Peter Chiarelli. Jarome Iginla. Jim Benning. Michael Jordan. Gila River Arena. At the end of the day, Time won against them all.
Now, yes, Father Time can only be signed now to be a factor if he was on the reserve list since we’re post-trade deadline. But if we can find room for 40-year-old Ruslan Zainullin and somehow still relevant Alexander Yelesin, surely Treliving must have stashed Time away on the list just in case. That would just be shoddy work as a GM not to consider all the options.
Time will be able to end the Tampa Bay run of Cups. Time should have no problem taking down the juggernaut Colorado Avalanche. Sure, Father Time is no Broken Collarbone, but let’s even see if the Oilers make the playoffs this year before worrying about them.
Any of these players could pay huge dividends for the Flames as they try to finish strong. Or we can still experiment with Trevor Lewis as a middle-six centre. Seems like an easy choice.
Buy merchandise from BreakingT
Buy merchandise from BreakingT so that we can convince them to make some very cool Scorchstack-designed t-shirts. I didn’t broker the deal but I think that’s how it works
Maybe a Backlund Sax t-shirt in the future? Who knows, you gotta buy the shirts though. Help us help you help us.
MarinerStack Issue #1- The Seattle Mariners season preview
The best and only Seattle Mariners newsletter found within a Calgary Flames newsletter
by Tibs (@decayinwtheboys)
Hello, baseball readers. It’s baseball time.
The Scorchstack, a Calgary Flames newsletter, will also be providing you regular updates on the Seattle Mariners. Why? Because we can and it keeps us sticking to sports in the summer (please remind me to keep doing this, I will likely forget). Why the Mariners? Because I like them and Floob does too. I don’t know the baseball allegiances of the other Scorchies, but I think they all agree with us: Seattle Mariners.
The MLB season begins tomorrow, with both players and owners in complete labour harmony and nothing of note happening during the winter. Everyone is happy, spending enough money to make their teams competitive, and not colluding backdoors to lower player salaries. What makes you say that? The Seattle Mariners play the Minnesota Twins to begin the season, 2:05 mountain time.
Why isn’t this about the Toronto Blue Jays?
Reasonable first question to ask a Canadian baseball fan, as the Jays are the team of many people here. The explanation is simple, let’s look at this map here:
As you can see, the Seattle Mariners baseball club is actually very close to Calgary, the place where most of us are from. It is entirely within the realm of possibility that a Seattle Mariners slugger whacks one out of Safeco Field (Mariners fan tip: it is not called T-Mobile Park despite what the signage says) and it lands in your backyard in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. The stadium faces that way, so again, it is possible. Absolutely ridiculous to suggest a Blue Jay could do the same thing, their stadium faces north. The ball would land in Hudson’s Bay or any of the fine Ontario small towns that are just Letterkenny, but not in on the joke.
The Mariners are your hometown team, you’ve just been gaslit into believing otherwise.
Bu- bu- bu- bu- but the Blue Jays are the Canadian team!
Again, my apologies. I suppose you also drink Molson Canadian and buy any dumb shit with a maple leaf slapped on it. The best type of nationalism is the one where the Rogers corporation profits from it.
It’s best to think of the Blue Jays the same way you think of Son of Critch, The Good Doctor, The Cool Wife, There’s Something Strange About Frankie, and the many other definitely real television shows that air on Canadian networks: schedule filler. They are a team owned by the Rogers company for the purpose of occupying the summer timeslots on Sportsnet, another company owned by Rogers. I would think it’s no coincidence that Rogers launched Sportsnet in 1998 and then acquired the Jays in 2000. If you need a hint, it’s not because they loved baseball.
It’s fine to be a fan of TV shows, I like many TV shows (check out Twin Peaks, set in Washington State, which is where the Mariners play). However, we are talking about baseball teams here, and the Blue Jays are a TV show. They are a side hustle to Rogers’ primary business of jacking up phone prices. You’d feel sorry for them being in the same division as the cash-splashing Yankees and Red Sox, but then you remember that they could just as easily spend as much but don’t because that would leave the company coffers with $9.268 billion rather than $9.318 billion. There’s very few TV shows that are worth that kind of serious investment.
Why should I, a Calgary Flames fan, be interested in the Seattle Mariners?
Both share long histories of losing despite having some of the game’s greatest wear their jerseys. Think of Ichiro as the Seattle Mariner equivalent of Jarome Iginla: some of the most ridiculous individual accomplishments ever achieved in their sport, nothing to show for it, and a bunch of late career moves to detestable teams that we’ve all blocked out of our memory.
Why not seamlessly transition from yet another painful end to a hockey season to a painful baseball season, which wraps up at around the same time hockey comes back? Misery all the time, baby! Live in it! Wallow in it! Sports suck!
So what’s their deal? Are they good?
The Mariners, who haven’t made the playoffs since 2001, came pretty dang close last season after launching an improbable campaign featuring a whole bunch of crazy comebacks. Unfortunately, the baseball nerds had the nerve to try and ruin that fun for all of us, saying downer things like “none of that is sustainable” and “a team with 90 wins and a -51 run differential is more lucky than good.”
But we have to hand it to the nerds, at least quietly: they’re right. A team that ranked bottom five in the AL in every single hitting category last season - including dead last in batting average and hits - is not a playoff team (a quick reminder that the Baltimore Orioles also play in the AL and somehow the Mariners hit worse than them). I think they got no-hit twice in the span of a month last year, so that’s how bad they are. It would be reasonable to think that a stellar rotation of pitching arms would balance this out, but all of those stats are in the middle of the AL. Not bad, but not saving them.
The key to the Mariners last season was fun: they loved having it, and especially if it was at the expense of everyone around them. They eked out wins in close games they shouldn’t have had any business being in, found ways back in when they really could’ve just packed it in and tried again tomorrow, and just generally kept baseball games interesting well past the point they should’ve been. Manager Scott Servais took a shot at the baseball nerds, dismissing the dismal run differential and praising the Mariners’ +90 fun differential (where +90 came from, I am not sure). The team ran with the bit, keeping pace in the playoff race until the very last day of the season despite trailing the Blue Jays by over 230 runs. As bit respecters, we can only applaud.
Who are some of the players worth watching?
If you’re a prospect pervert, good news, the Mariners are currently undergoing a youth movement. They graduated MLB top 10 prospect Jarred Kelenic last season, and will graduate MLB top 3 prospect Julio Rodriguez this season. If you read Big Monday Thing, you will know he hit an inside the park home run this week.
My projections indicate he will do that at least five more times this season, the first MLB player to ever do that.
There’s also Kyle Lewis, 2020’s unanimous AL rookie of the year. He’s had a rough go with injuries since breaking out in the bigs, but the talent is still there (I am an MLB scout). He’s not going to be ready to begin the season, but when he comes back it’s another young bat for the Mariners.
The Mariners aren’t just relying on young guns and internal development, they made some major offseason splashes. Robbie Ray, AL Cy Young winner, strikeout leader, and tightest pants in the game has made his way to Seattle from [redacted]
Jesse Winker is also here to hopefully breathe some life into that putrid hitting game. He is also a Blink-182 head, so he is the best baseball player of all time in my mind even if he strikes out at every at-bat this season.
Top Tom voice in the league, undisputed.
Other guys you should know:
Mitch Haniger
Ty France
Chris Flexen
Paul Sewald
J.P. Crawford
And that’s all the Mariners you need to know. Now go out there and watch that baseball.
Simply put: how are the Mariners going to do this season?
Well that’s great, I can’t wait to start watching Mariners baseball.
I have some bad news for you.
This should be illegal, but here we are regardless.
I’m interested in the Seattle Mariners and would like to learn more.
Thankfully, Jon Bois did a six part series on the entire history of the Seattle Mariners and all the weirdness hiding below the surface of an outwardly normal baseball franchise. It’s pretty good and probably better than anything I just wrote.
You can also read Lookout Landing, a Mariners blog that will be updated more often than MarinerStack. Thank you for reading the MarinerStack.
Mike Thoughts
What, you thought Mike was just gonna run out of thoughts? Get real.
by Mike (@mikeFAIL)
All of these are rapid fire because my day job, running the new division of The Scorchstack Network, has been strenuous. Woe is me, the gainfully employed Scorchstack executive. Caution as some of these are mean.
I’m pretty sure when I appeared on Sportsnet 960 I inferred my concern that Sean Monahan may be hurt, again. If I was right (someone go back and listen), please tell me. Anyway, we’re beyond the pale when it comes for the diminished value and impact of Monahan on the ice. Does anyone remember when he was happy and healthy last?
More importantly: he’s 27 and he’s already had more wear and tear on his body; and the surgeries than most NHLers experience. It’s awful to see him in that state, but continuing to idolize and lionize this self-sacrificial belief that it’s for the betterment of the team is asinine.
Tyson Nash is in the news. Up until recently I had no idea who he is because he was a non-factor in the league when he played (I had to look up he played in the NHL), he’s on the broadcast in the league’s worst market, and he tried to defend the actions of a guy named Jay Beagle. No one will remember Jay Beagle when he retires other than he was an overpaid Canuck, with a goofy name, who got banished to the desert like all washed up NHL talent.
It’s a multifaceted problem. On one hand we can’t have young talent, doing remarkable things, and poking at loose pucks in the NHL. That’s purely unacceptable. On the other, it’s the NHL! This league loves doing everything in it’s power to shoot itself in the foot when it comes to marketing this sport. On the other-other hand, if you possess multiple arms, the cro-mags whose actions are the foundation (and often philosophical doctrine) that propel this league forward love this crap and see it as viable educational content for impressionable youths.
My main point is: I’m actively anticipating a Duck next season Marley & Me’ing Jay Beagle (if he is still in the NHL) because the league will have not learned their lesson here and we’ll repeat the extremely (and perpetual) cycle of pointless violence in hockey.
I’m throwing my support behind the Seattle Mariners this season. Do I watch baseball? No, I can barely survive an 82-game season and the NHL Playoffs. I’ll probably watch 40-50 games this summer though. Does Ichiro still play?
My affinity for the Mariners is like every stats Twitter, math-loving, video game playing, and sexless virgin until his late teens: Ken Griffey Jr.'s Winning Run for the SNES. I remember socking dingers and then being confused by how to play the field when pitching. Go Marinara! as Stace, friend of Scorchstack would say.
Keith Yandle’s streak is over and everyone is sad, except me. It’s impressive he played that many games in a row. He’s played 989 more NHL games than me, which is the bench mark for every NHLer moving forward. Life moves on and maybe play better or you won’t get scratched, Keith.
Phil Kessel is going to become the record holder and I think that’s the perfect encapsulation of everything good about the NHL, which is very little.
Final thought: feeling a Blake Coleman multi-goal game tonight. More importantly: feeling a hat trick. Boy, I’ll regret this.
The top 10 Calgary Flames related Chris Rock/Will Smith memes
It's the slap heard around the world! How did Flames content creators meme it up?
by Tibs (@decayinwtheboys)
Haha just kidding. Imagine how bad this article could be.
Up Next Week
Johnny Gaudreau hits 100 points and we honour him properly.
Oliver Kylington comes back. Please. Please, Oliver.
The Scorchies go to Stockton with a large sack roughly the size of Matthew Phillips. No one ask questions.
The Seattle Mariners begin their quest to win the World Series.