Oh, hello there, I didn’t see you come in. I’m told it has been about a month since I last provided you a regularly scheduled recap of the week it was for your Calgary Flames (thank you to Mike who satiated your gluttonous, unending appetite for content with a Big Mikeday Thing). I have a very legitimate and valid excuse for my absence from this space - didn’t feel like doing it - but the exceptional litigators over at Scorchstack, Scorchstack, and Diamond have also reminded me that I am contractually obligated to spam your inboxes every Monday, and that I had best get cracking on the updates, lest I want to experience the “full reach of their power”.
I don’t remember ever signing a contract here, but I also have no interest in finding out what they meant by that.
So with that in mind, here’s what you may have missed since I last published a BMT: Matthew Phillips was finally recalled, as was Radim Zahorna, then Phillips was immediately scratched in favour of Zohorna, but then they ended up on a line together with Adam Ruzicka, propmting us to coin the trademarked and very legally binding nickname The Kubota Kids, Milan Lucic was benched for three games, every defenseman has gotten hurt at some point, Jacob Markstrom forgot how to play goal, Dan Vladar didn’t, Markstrom remembered how to play goal, The Roons was sent to the shadow realm, the team went 4-3-3, and @NHLFlames wrote this tweet that I hate a lot:
Calgs.
The Week of: December 12th-18th
Results From Past Week:
The week that was for the Calgary Flames can best be summed up in this haiku penned by friend of scorch Sean Gentille over at The Athletic ($$):
A wise man once said
“Relying on loser points
Is no way to live”
(this could have also been written by dom, but nobody likes him so we’ll ignore that part)
The past 7 days began the same way the previous ones ended, with the Flames dropping identical shootout decisions to the Montreal Canadiens and Vancouver Canucks, which they followed up with maybe their most listless performance of the year, a 5-2 loss to the St. Louis Blues. The week was salvaged with a steady, kinda easy (?) victory over the San Jose Sharks, and goodness it would be nice to build something off of that.
Flames Overall Record: 14-12-6, 34 pts
Standings: 5th place in the Pacific Division, 9th in the Western Conference. There has been a ton of talk about going into the Christmas break in a playoff position. If the team had announced this back at the beginning of the season, you would have justifiably fired everyone right then and there. As it stands now, there is going to have to be a ton of work done in the coming days just to hit that meager target.
Soundtrack: Crustified Christmas - RA The Rugged Man and Mac Lethal
The holidays truly do not begin until Mac Lethal tells you he drank Jesus’s blood and told him to bless his piss. I probably picked this song last year at this time.
Funny Big Bang Theory Clip Of The Week:
UPDATE: This is the last time I will be posting one of these clips. Even I don’t find it funny anymore. At some point I’m just watching the show, you know what I mean?
I’ll find a new thing in 2023. Or I won’t. Who cares?
What We Liked:
I definitely thought we’d be in for a tough season from Elias Lindholm at the beginning of the year. He’s always been a good player, but the team went through a massive upheaval during the offseason that affected him more than anyone else. He deserves more credit than he gets for his entire line producing career years, but when your two linemates are potential Hart candidates who are all of a sudden just GONE, you’d have to expect something of a drop off in your own performance.
And yet, Lindholm has been quietly pretty good. In 31 games, he’s amassed 28 points. Through 31 games last season, Lindholm scored…28 points. I would have thought he was producing at a higher clip back then, but that’s just because he was part of a trio that was grabbing all the headlines.
Elias finished last season with 82 points, and I wouldn’t expect that same number this year. His most common linemates have been Jonathan Huberdeau and Tyler Toffoli, both fine players, but Huberdeau has been on and off his wing as he has struggled to find his place in Calgary, and with all due respect to Toffoli, he’s not Matthew Tkachuk (having Matthew Tkachuk papers over a lot of team issues).
But Lindholm keeps plugging away, and he’s remained pretty consistent. He’s not creating as much offense as last year, which is why he’s not making any headlines, but that was quite possibly the best line the Flames have ever had, and 2/3rds of it are gone, how could he possibly be expected to live up to that?
For me, it’s just nice knowing that he is the player that he is, and that player is very good. Hey great work, Zeb.
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
Take your pick on this one, I don’t want to spend much time talking about any of these, because it’s what we already know, and we could be here all day for any single one of these deficiencies: The Flames take too many penalties; they are very shallow on defense with Chris Tanev and Oliver Kylington out (we miss you, king), and appear to be in even more trouble with presumable injuries to Nikita Zadorov and Dennis Gilbert (that is a very funny thing to write); there is the usual overreliance on ineffective and broken vets in the bottom six instead of giving younger players a chance to grow; inconsistent goaltending; the lack of a true finisher in the top 6.
When you watch the team, it looks like the magic in a bottle that was the Darryl Sutter system of last season needs a look under the hood to get that engine revving again. You could say what was a Kubota M8-201 now appears to be a John Deere 4044M at best (puke!). The fast paced, high octane offense and the dedication to smart checking and hard work all appear to be faltering at the same time, but really I think the sum of its parts as outlined above are all greater than the product itself. That is to say, everything seems fantastic when you have a top line that scores almost 300 points on its own and Vezina caliber goaltending. If that goes away, things go south in a hurry.
Enemy of the Week:
Hey if you see this guy coming down your chimney, you are legally allowed to do anything you need to defend your property:
You’re not Santa!
What Comes Next:
Our pals in red bested the San Jose Sharks last night in whatever the hell their arena is called, and then they just stayed there, because they play their cool looking teal rivals again on Tuesday in the same barn (outside of the playoffs and weird bubble era scheduling, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before). The Flames will follow that up with a tour through the rest of California with a back-to-back against the Kings and Ducks heading into the holiday break. December in the Golden State. MUST BE NICE.
Theo Fleury Tweet Of The Week:
On paper, I would have liked it a lot!
His brain is very broken and he needs a ton of help, you know, therapy-wise, but goddamn if these kinds of nonsensical missives aren’t entertaining. None of this makes any damn sense Theo!!!
Unrelated Fact:
Boy did this guy ever know what he was talking about:
José Miguel Polanco is indeed a scorchie, because true to form, he had it first.
Man, how sick was that World Cup Final? How are we supposed to enjoy literally any sporting event after that? Unreal.
See You Next Week:
Hey, just the happiest and Festival of Lightiest Hanukkah greetings to all our Jewish friends out there in Scorchland. Please invite me into your homes over these remaining 7 days, I cannot stress enough how much I go absolutely apeshit for some sufganiyah.