Scorchstack Issue #49: None of us wants to eat another slice of pizza from Pizza 73
We will however each eat an entire pizza from there if Jack Eichel is a Flame.
Happy August, dear readers. Elias Lindholm caught a big fish last week and Blake Coleman put on a Flames jersey for the first time. Normally you’d have to be content with that for the depths of the offseason, but now you have Scorchstack.
What’s inside?
Sure, we’ve seen the sketches of this new arena, but Mike gives us an idea of what a truly great new building should include
Kind of wild that all these famous people are talking about how much they don’t wash themselves. Obviously, this meant that Ramz had to weigh in on how this applies to the Flames
Our overseas correspondent Konnie digs deep into what the deal is with Dan Vladař
With Scorchstack about to celebrate its first anniversary of existence, Nathan looks at another Flames digital presence after their first year to see how we stack up
Since last issue
Despite dedicating a frankly superb issue to Jack Eichel in Scorchstack #48, the Flames still have not traded for Jack Eichel. We held up our end of the bargain, Brad.
JackWatch.exe continued on its course to sentience, and instead of taking it out behind the virtual barn, we realized it just wanted a friend: KirillWatch.exe
Oliver Kylington and Matthew Phillips re-signed. Other players did too, but they aren’t Oliver Kylington and Matthew Phillips.
What amenities are must-haves in the new arena?
These are non-negotiable. Scorchstack will use legal force if necessary to get what we want.
by Mike (@mikeFAIL)
Imagine it’s 2022 or 2023 or whenever the new arena is built. Everything is great because someone associated with the Calgary Sports and Entertainment Corporation will tell you life is great. You’re in Calgary after all, a city with a modern NHL building finally. The whole city is different now too! Poverty doesn’t exist, the homeless have homes, climate change has been solved, and the Calgary Flames play in a fancy building. This is the year Calgary has been dreaming for, for what feels like an eternity. All of society’s growth and achievements in the last year or so are attributed to CSEC’s thievery of public dollars to create the city’s answer to Rogers Place.
You’re probably wondering “Mike, I’ve seen the drawings and stuff on newsboy Ryan Pike’s Twitter feed! I know everything about this arena already.” No, you don’t, because I haven’t told you what you really need to know: three things that should — nay NEED to be in this arena.
The first thing is great public wi-fi. Why? The youths of today love sharing every moment of their lives online, to Twitter, or Tiktok, or Instagram. We here at Scorchstack are an innovative and cutting edge media entity and we care about this experience. We’re lobbying hard with the developers of the arena to ensure everyone who subscribes to Scorchstack gets a premium public wi-fi experience. That’s our Scorchstack commitment to you, our astute and most intelligent readers.
Imagine the scene: it’s the first period, you’re at the game with your Boo Thang, and the team is stinking. It’s time to get rowdy on IG live, yelling insults at players, being a deplorable drunk mess, and it’s all being streamed live to your tens of followers as the security toss your butt out onto the street. All that can be a reality if they provide the fans with the best free internet access.
The current free wi-fi at the Saddledome is equal or equivalent suffering through the Chris Butler era: doesn’t work half the time; when it does something else completely illogical happens. Then you try reconnecting again and your phone is effectively rendered useless and you’ve essentially given up hope as life has shown its true intentions: forcing you to sit through a hockey game that probably isn’t entertaining enough.
This next must-have feature isn’t for the fans, but the media who cover the game. You know, the real troops in the trenches when it comes to covering the game. When Rogers Place opened back in 2016, a year where Edmonton essentially moved up the Alberta city rankings from fifth behind Lethbridge to third behind Grande Prairie and Calgary, the talk of the arena wasn’t the fan experience. No, it was the fact that the press box had a toilet that Terry Jones could claim the first poop in. This is a golden moment in society’s journey through the cosmos.
I’ve heard that the press box in the Saddledome lacks anything beyond a bucket to poop in. I know this because in confidence Pat Steinberg told me about it so I hope they make sure at least two toilets are in the press box. That way we won’t see our treasured media icons covering the sport we love struggle to make it through a game after the 30th free hot dog they’ve had by December decimates their lower colon.
If they can’t add two toilets, just add a giant sink that everyone can use communally to do their business. Place your bets on which scribe tweets out they were the first one to go two in the press box bathroom (if they’re given one).
The next and arguably most critical component to a good arena experience for the fans is food. We’ve all seen and had everything the Saddledome has to offer; not only that but Calgary has evolved past the same old things they’ve had at countless games because the arena has evolved the city. So what do we want to see in this building?
Korean street food.
Life as I know it changed when I first had street food that you’d find in the fantastic nation of South Korea. Everything tastes fantastic, everything about it is unique and diverse, and frankly, it is superior to the run-of-the-mill concession foods we’re used to eating at the rink. Give me a bowl of tteokbokki (spicy rice cake), or a bowl of japchae during the intermission. There’s so much to work with serving Stanley Cup-baps. Hell, give me one of those wild corndogs crusted with potato and filled with cheese.
Not only do the fans get a premium meal, at a fair price, but the novelty of some of these foods will easily help drive chatter amongst fans in and outside the market to come to the new hockey mecca which has delicious Korean street food for you to consume. None of us wants to eat another slice of pizza from Pizza 73 (or Boston Pizza). Most of us have already had years shaved off our life expectancy eating arena pizza so let us live out our autumn years in a fine barn, with spicy food.
Oh and put in a Tubby Dog food booth so fans can eat giant honkers of hot dogs adorned with the finest of Tubby Dog toppings. The possible sight of a deranged fan lobbing a hot dog covered in Cap’n’Crunch at an opposing player is something everyone should aspire to believe can happen.
Which Flames players don’t shower
Gross!
by ramz (@ramzreboot)
Lots of celebrities are admitting they don’t bathe for some reason. Not sure why they would just admit to this and volunteer this information unprompted, but sure. So this made me question which Flames players wouldn’t shower if they weren’t professional athletes and weren’t forced to shower like twice a day.
This will be in order in the way they show up on the Flames website which goes by forwards, then defence, and then goalies by the last name.
Let’s get started on “would this guy bathe if he wasn’t an athlete?”
Future Ramz: As I went through the defence I’m like, “Oh I forgot Gio” and then I got sad.
Forwards
Mikael Backlund
Absolutely. The cleanest boy in the world.
Blake Coleman
Like once a week, maybe.
Dillon Dubé
Yes.
Byron Froese
Maybe? I don’t know anything about this guy.
Johnny Gaudreau
No. His mom has to remind him.
Glenn Gawdin
No.
Trevor Lewis
Yes, only because he used to live in LA. No, I will not explain any further.
Elias Lindholm
Obviously.
Milan Lucic
No.
Andrew Mangiapane
No.
Sean Monahan
Yes. Don’t be fooled by his greasy hair, it’s part of the aesthetic.
Matthew Phillips
Tells people he does but he doesn’t.
Tyler Pitlick
Who is this
Brett Richie
No.
Adam Ružička
No.
Matthew Tkachuk
Absolutely not. Not even sure he showers now.
Defence
Rasmus Andersson
No, but I wish he did.
Noah Hanifin
Absolutely not.
Oliver Kylington
Yes.
Connor Mackey
No.
Christopher Tanev
Just look at his roster photo and tell me with a straight face that he showers.
Juuso Välimäki
No.
Andy Welinski
Literally who the fuck is this
Nikita Zadorov
Sure.
Goalies
Jacob Markstrom
Obviously.
Dan Vladař
I don’t know. Sure
Adam Werner
I’ve never heard of this name in my life.
What do the Flames have in new backup Dan Vladař?
It’s probably going to be a bit of a bump to start, but history tells us that this could be a very fortuitous move
by Konnie (@konnie49)
As a franchise with a history of taking a chance on young goaltenders from Europe who aren’t getting their chance with a previous NHL team, the Calgary Flames have found their new target. Dan Vladař is a 24-year-old Czech goalie who was recently acquired from the Boston Bruins for a 3rd round pick, and while he has shown a lot of promise in juniors and in the AHL, he only has five games in the NHL to his name and the team is ready to name him the backup for the upcoming season.
Now, when you see your favourite team acquire a goalie with no real experience and immediately assume they are ready to take over the backup position full time, you would question the decision-making behind this process. In fact, you would think that a team that just lost its best defenceman for nothing isn’t the best place for a young goaltender who hasn’t played that much in the NHL is a smart move. This leads me, an extremely gullible Flames fan, to believe there is something good in this kid’s game that they would announce him as the backup on the first day of free agency. We have to do some good ol’ fashioned researching.
My first stop was to Twitter, specifically to the tweet from the Boston Bruins account to see how Bruins fans are reacting. Granted, immediate responses don’t allow for a person to really think about a move, and Bruins fans don’t have the capability to think, but it is safe to say that they were pissed. Which, in our case, means it’s good for us!
(ed. note: Bill, don’t you dare)
I’m really loving the hate that this trade is getting. This was a goalie that was getting fans excited and they are heartbroken about his departure. However, fan reaction can only get us so far. To truly understand what kind of goaltender the Flames are getting, we must go even deeper.
Now, let’s take a look back at his earliest days in his junior career to see the kind of hype he might have been associated with. Was he an internet star who dazzled the world with fantastic as a wee little tike? Was he being dubbed as the next Dominik Hasek at the age of 11 playing against booger-eating, mouthbreathing children? Lets take a-OH MY GOD.
A .400 save percentage???? Unbelievable. This kid is an absolute bust. How could Brad even make such a HORRIBLE trade?
In all seriousness, Vladař’s junior career has turned out to be pretty good the more he played and got comfortable with the level of competition that he would face, slowly improving his play as he rises through the ranks of the Czech hockey system.
Coming up from the ranks in the Kladno, where former Calgary Flame Jaromir Jagr hails from and also now owns, Vladař has always moved upwards every season since the 2012-13 season. He spends some time in the U16 league then halfway through gets promoted to the U18 league and never looks back. The next year he makes the U20 team and stays. Then in his draft year, he is able to stay in the U20 league and even get a sniff in the 2nd Czech league which is aptly named Chance Liga. He managed to maintain a .926 save percentage when moving up from the U18 league into a permanent role with the U20 squad.
Vladař was not carried by his team at all either. He went from a U18 Kladno team with a record of 27-13-4, (goals for of 167 and goals against of 132) to a U20 Kladno team that held a record of 24-19-2 (151 goals for, 149 goals against). His teams would give up goals just as much as they were scoring in his junior years. During his eight-game stint in the Czech 2 Liga, he would be able to put up a wicked .933 save percentage on a fairly good Kladno team who would finish with a record of 31-18-3 (GF of 185 and GA of 126). When Vladař was seeing as many pucks as his team was shooting the other way, he was able to maintain a pretty respectable .926, and when he was rewarded with a chance at the pro level with a good team and good defensive support, he was really able to take advantage and thrive. He was ranked the 2nd best European goalie by NHL Central Scouting and projected to be a solid late 2nd/early 3rd round pick who would be a project goalie that if given enough time to develop, could eventually become NHL quality.
What is also very interesting to note is that after being drafted by the Bruins in the 3rd round, 75th overall, he made the jump early to North America and played a year in the USHL with the Chicago Steel, and performed admirably, posting a solid .920 save percentage on a pretty mediocre squad. The Steel had finished off the season with a 27-26-4 record (both GF and GA of 168) being middle of the pack for most of the season before ultimately missing the playoffs. At this point in his junior career that he showed that he is able to perform in multiple situations including on mediocre to average teams as well as really good teams that give him goal support.
However, when Vladař made the jump into being a full-time professional, we start to see that he struggled.
While a short stint in the AHL had proven to be promising, Vladař spent most of his next year on the quite bad 27-37-8 Atlanta Gladiators, thus he did not see much success, which is pretty inline with the rest of the team. While the Gladiators rebounded (slightly) the next season to a record of 32-35-5 record, so did Vladař, whose save percentage rose significantly the more he got comfortable in his playing environment. Sprinkle in another stint in the AHL which saw him post another above .920 sv%, and the Bruins felt that he earned a full-time gig in the AHL.
Sticking with this emerging pattern, he struggled in his first season. The Providence Bruins were a pretty middle-of-the-pack team in terms of record and scoring, but there really never was a standout scorer, since the NHL Bruins had been cycling in and out their best players during the season. Truthfully though, what was really holding back the team was their goaltending, as neither Vladař or his partner in the net Zane McIntyre were performing up to expectations, both posting .898 save percentages. Not good.
But, as we have seen previously, Vladař improves the following season. Once again, he finds a rhythm and was able to post a respectable .936 sv% in 25 games before the COVID-19 pandemic shut the AHL down for the season. Coming back this season, he continued his pace, starting out strong in the Czech league with a whopping .956 in six games before coming back down to earth in the AHL where he posted a .923 in 10 games before getting called up for that aforementioned cup of coffee in the NHL.
It’s safe to say he is still a young, unproven goalie as we see he struggled in those five games, posting a .886, but as seen in patterns before, this doesn’t seem to be as concerning as it may have seen before. We know that he has a history of starting out slow in a new league before he gets his form down and becomes comfortable in his net. Adding to the fact that he has had a pretty clean injury history, there really isn’t anything in history that would point to a cause of concern other than the fact that a team has to be a patient before he is able to be what he can be.
Is this still a big risk? Of course. Vladař had such a small sample size in the NHL before the trade, it is more likely than not that he will still struggle this season to get comfortable, especially since he is going into a completely different defensive structure with the Flames. However, if his playing history has shown, the Flames should prioritize making sure that he can learn and grow while still getting his chances. This should give him the best odds of becoming an effective goaltender. Perhaps this year he plays 25 games and gives you able 14 solid starts in those games. The year after, he might be able to provide you with 30 games and 20+ solid starts and so forth. To avoid burning out Markstrom as he gets older, having Vladař improve year after year can be just the proper transition piece the Flames need from Markstrom to Dustin Wolf.
It may look strange now, but Dan Vladař is an intriguing piece and one that frankly a lot more than some of the other backup options that were available on the free agent market. With a cap hit of 750k for the next two years, there is a lot of potential for this to be a very underrated steal of a contract.
Big thank you to Eliteprospects for providing the playing data as seen throughout this article.
Looking at flames.nhl.com after their first year
The halcyon days of early Flames’ digital presence where hot button issues were hot new prospect Greg Nemisz and Dustin Boyd’s thoughts on lasagne
by Nathan (@hanoten)
Scorchstack turns one next week, and it’s always good to reflect and see how far we’ve come. Since we spent most of our time talking about the Flames, I thought that looking at the progression of flames.nhl.com would be a good benchmark.
It would be fun to try and sift through the internet to find old articles, like favourite foods of the Flames. It would even lead to discovering ancient nuggets of wisdom, such as this.
But time is money, so we have to find a better way. Using The Wayback Machine, I found that the first recorded entry for flames.nhl.com was on June 29, 2007. The top story that day was that the Flames had signed Wayne Primeau and David Hale, and there was a tiny feature on their new exciting prospect - some kid named Mikael Backlund. And who could forget fun fan features like Harvey’s Corner?
Thank goodness we finally know which way Harvey’s dick curves.
The closest I could get to a look one year later was June 23, 2008, and let’s take a look and if we stack up.
Damn, I wish Scorchstack had a cropped photo of Iggy in the corner making sure everything we published met his standard. We’ll keep trying to do better for you, dear readers and fans. Ah well, maybe next year.
Up Next Week
We start cold-calling every number in the Buffalo, NY yellow pages under we get Kevyn Adams on the phone and make the damn trade ourselves.
Ramina’s piece from four weeks ago keeps getting better with age, and if you’re lucky we’ll publish it. We’re debating saving it for awards season though. You understand the cycle of these things.