BURN THE TAPE: Mighty Ducks Episode 1
It's Emilio Estevez
Burn The Tape continues to make a comeback, baby. I will be watching the new Mighty Ducks show on Disney Plus, up until my sister’s ex-boyfriend notices I’m still using his account and kicks me off. But until then, I’ll be here every Sunday telling you what happened in the episode that week and giving my thoughts. Disney Plus is adding a new episode every Friday (I think).
Also, just a heads up, I haven’t seen the original Mighty Ducks movie in like, at least ten years probably. So I don’t completely remember what happens, I just remember it was Emilio Estevez coaching some underdogs and they ended up being good. I never saw the second one (or the third one if there is a third one). (ed. note: D3, which does exist, was originally going to be darker in tone but instead is most noteworthy for having a Paul Kariya cameo, and that’s all you need to know) Each episode is around 40 minutes long, the first couple of these may be a bit longer since we need more back story, but that’s fine.
Before we get into the show, we definitely need to acknowledge this:
Emilio Estevez fucking rules and Disney fucking sucks, per usual. Extremely on-brand for them.
Episode 1: Game On
It starts off with this kid Evan calling his mom saying he can’t be late on his first day of practice. She’s at work, I guess she’s a paralegal, her boss comes and says they need their “best paralegal” to go through this list of tenants at an apartment building that “are still there so we can make them not be there.” So, already this show should be radicalizing you just one minute in.
The Ducks are a powerhouse team with ten state championships.
This mom seems cool and nice (her name is Alex), the other moms she’s sitting with at practice seem like assholes. I do not like them. One is a girl that Alex works with. The kids are 12-14 I think. Their coach looks like someone from Letterkenny. Wait, maybe he is? I don’t know. (ed. note: not only is that the guy from Letterkenny, but that is also the son of former Flames head coach and tantrum-haver extraordinaire Jim Playfair. His name is Dylan) The Letterkenny coach cut Evan saying he’s not good enough and he’s too small for the 12-14 age bracket. Aw.
Wow this coach is an asshole, he told him if he’s not great at hockey at this age, then not to bother.
The mom tells the coach off and also all the other annoying moms in the stands because she cares about them having fun, not just being the best. Hell ya, mom. A kid was recording her, hmmm foreshadowing to Emilio Estevez I bet.
Their next-door neighbour, Nick, who is Evan’s age, comes over and says the same thing, about how he played hockey until he was six but if he wasn’t good enough, not to bother. So they go talk to Evan and the mom suggests starting their own team of “don’t bothers”.
The rules state they can start a team if they have at least six players and a coach over the age of 21. They also need to register by that Friday and it’s already Monday or Tuesday, I don’t know, I can’t do math. Evan agrees, the mom is going to find a coach and a rink and Evan and Nick will find four more kids. Also, Nick is a podcaster who podcasts every game, basically. I like him, I bet they’re going to put him in goal because he said he has more of a “podcast” body which is also foreshadowing. Yeah, I took grade 6 English, what about it?
I think the mom’s a single parent, but we don’t have a back story yet. I’m sure we’ll eventually get one.
Ok so. After school, Evan and Nick couldn’t find anybody to join their team. But, Nick went and asked the “popular girls” table (god I don’t miss school) and they all laughed at him and when he walked away, one girl called him a freak, because duh. One of the popular girls looked down and was quiet, so I think she wants to join their hockey team. Now, Nick and Evan are playing NHL 21 (I’m assuming since this is 2021) and one person has played for over 10,000 hours and is a goalie and has never been scored on. I bet it’s that girl.
What?? So, Nick somehow finds the address just from their username? That seems illegal. Oh, it’s not that girl it’s some guy playing in his basement. Oh, they found him because his username was literally his real name. But how did they get his address? Still feels illegal. Anyway, they ask him to join their team.
He ends up being awesome IRL too and catching everything they throw at him, nevermind Nick won’t be the goalie it’ll definitely be this guy. Except he says the only reason he won’t play is that he’d have to wear pants. I understand.
The mom, Alex, is at work, that other mom who was rude to her in the stands (her name is Stephanie) is also a landlord capitalist scum and Alex says it’s evil. Hell ya, Alex. She also finds this old abandoned ice rink called the Ice Palace that seems like doesn’t get much maintenance there. She tries to find the manager, which is this guy fixing up the Zamboni. I think we can all guess who it is!!!! That’s right, it’s Emilio Estevez!!!!!!!!!
Omg, I bet Alex and Emilio Estevez are going to date later in the show. Emilio is NOT interested in her story really. She says her son got fired from this mean coach and Emilio goes, “Let me guess, the Ducks?” Oh wait, do we think that coach is his son? It could be. I don’t know, I’ve been extremely far off on this show today, so maybe not.
There’s a sign that says “NO Hockey!” and Emilio says he hates hockey. Emilio only allows them to use the rink because he needs money to keep the rink open and she found a city surplus for youth hockey I guess. I don’t know, I don’t understand how money works.
She finds out he used to play hockey and asks him to be the coach, he says, “I hate hockey and I don’t like kids.” Same.
Some kid who looks like William Nylander at 12 years old (who also happens to be wearing a Leafs jersey) just moved in across the street.
His name is Logan, so they ask him to join their team. This kid seems like he was very good in Toronto (he’s from Toronto) but also still seems nice and humble. So far. We’ll see. He is from Toronto so he’s probably an ass. He has very expensive skates which is why Evan thought he’d be good. Also, where are his parents?
As the mom is explaining to the cocoa girl (the girl who makes the cocoa at the rink, if you needed an explanation on that) about being a single mom and explaining what happened to the dad, the girl starts the cappuccino machine so we can’t hear. So I guess we’ll never learn what happens to the dad. Great move by the writers, avoiding having to come up with a storyline for that. I totally get it. But Alex had to drop out of law school to take care of Evan. I guess we won’t ever “eventually get it” about the story on that, 15 minutes ago Ramz. I really have been off this entire episode, I think I have COVID.
Every time they show Logan, they show him waving his hair around while music is playing. Guys calm down he’s 12.
Oh, he’s actually terrible at hockey.
Evan recognizes Emilio Estevez as Gordon Bombay, who the mom didn’t know. He’s “Minnesota Miracle Man” and used to coach the old Mighty Ducks (aw, nostalgia). He “invented the flying V and is a living legend”. Take that Gretzky.
Wait hold on. If he’s some big-time coach that everyone knows in this city, how is he barely maintaining a hockey rink? I feel like in real life, this would be called like, “Bombay’s ice rink” or something. Everyone would be stoked to come play hockey here. I don’t know, it’s weird. Maybe something happened at the end of the third (if there was one) Mighty Ducks movie that I will never know about. Moving on.
Evan gives a big pep talk in the cafeteria at lunch on Friday because they need their team by 4 pm. One girl who wears cat ears says she’s in even though she’s never played. One of the popular girls (that one from before, now that’s a callback, or whatever it’s called, I don’t know) stands up and says she gets it and wants to join and also tells off the popular girls, hell ya girl. They get another kid who skateboards and he seems super cool, I mean he’s wearing a shirt with a dragon with a flame on it. That guy who’s good at NHL 21 and doesn’t like pants joins. They still call him “Koob13”, his NHL 21 name. Evan, I think you can call him by his real name now. They have enough players! Wait, the rules state they need six players, but once they had six, Evan said, “Ok, just one more player,” and they got Koob13. That’s seven, right? Can I not count? Do they now have seven? Evan, Nick, Logan, cat ears girl, popular girl, skateboard kid, and Koob13, that’s literally seven? Am I missing something? I don’t think these writers can count?
They couldn’t find a coach, so Evan asks his mom to be their coach. Their team name is the Don’t Bothers. Oh wow, they’re all terrible. They can’t even skate onto the ice to join the league without falling.
Omg, Emilio and Alex are totally flirting. It’s been TWO DAYS. Please.
Recap/thoughts
That was the episode! We learned that Alex is a leftist who works for a guy who’s pro-landlords, we met Emilio Estevez, and we met William Nylander from 12 years ago. Overall, good first episode. A good first episode plotline, they didn’t over-create conflict (looking at you, Zero Chill), and things were actually realistic. The production value is also very good, but I mean this is on Disney Plus, so, that’s a given. Although, either these writers can’t do math or I can’t do math. We’ll blame the writers.
So far, I think Alex and Nick are my two favourite characters. By the way, I kept mixing up Evan and Nick’s names while writing this because I have the memory of a goldfish and couldn’t remember who’s who. Not my fault they named them two of the most common white boy names you can think of. Have some originality. It took a third time reading through this to catch all the times I mixed up their names, so if something seems off, I probably mixed up the names and didn’t notice. Sorry.
I think next episode, we’ll see Emilio Estevez agree to coach them because Alex will be terrible at it, and I think they’ll continue their flirtation. I think Logan and the popular girl will also have a flirtation at some point in this show. Or maybe it’ll be Evan and her. I don’t know, I feel weird speculating on which 12-year-olds are going to flirt so that’s all I’ll say on the matter.
Come back next Sunday for the next episode!