Last week, some of you may believe you read some words that I allegedly wrote claiming that in this new Darryl Sutter regime, the Calgary Flames would never lose another hockey game ever again. That’s a thing you claim you read, words written by me.
You’re right, they were. But still, that’s a whopper of an allegation.
But yes, technically I said those things, and here’s what’s up: If you choose to ignore certain truths as I do, I’m still right. Just off the top of my head, if we pretend the second half of back-to-back games against the same opponent only count as a cool-down period from the game previous, then the Flames still have yet to lose a game under Sutter. I could do this all day.
With several more in-succession matchups on the horizon, I am confident that as a collective we can all find several new ways to explain away what looks like a blemished record.
Brad Treliving joined The Athletic’s Hailey Salvian (both friends of the Scorchstack, it’s cool, they know, you don’t need to ask them about it) and told her that Darryl’s greatest attributes as a coach are his desire and his ability to get the most optimized version of each and every one of the players under his purview.
Well, we’re striving for similar results over here on the Scorchstack. So if you’re not willing to bend the truth, or look the other way when we rationalize why the Flames are still undefeated, well, we just have to call into question just how badly you want this to be true.
Buy in or get out, chumps!
The Week of: March 15th-21st
Results From Past Week: The boys in red scratched out a pair of back-to-back series over the past seven days, knocking off the Oilers in the first game and then losing an exhibition clash in the rematch that did not count, before traveling east to Toronto for very similar results.
Undefeated in the Darryl Sutter era. Feels good.
Flames Overall Record: 15-14-3, 33 pts
Standings: This calls for a celebration, because for the first time in WEEKS the Calgary Flames no longer sit in 5th place in the North Division. Let’s breathe easy, friends, I thought we would all watch the Flames sit in this spot in perpetuity until we all shuffled off this mortal coil. Nice to see this is not the case.
Your Calgary Flames are now in 6th place in the North Division.
Soundtrack: Feels Like Summer - Vince Staples
Vince wrote this track to remind us that it’s real nice having a coach like Darryl back, but it’s still dangerous out there on the ice if you’re not a very good team.
What We Liked:
There’s just a little something different in the air when you get to be on the other side of a Vintage Mike Smith performance, isn't there? Your hair stands up on edge when he, I don’t know, gets bored (???) and wanders off well beyond the friendly confines of his net. Witnessing that used to feel like lead in my stomach. Now? Hey, go for a walk, Mike, we’ve got it from here. Your .852 sv% for the game is intact.
You just know he was ready to throw his entire team under the bus for this one too. Man, what a piece of shit. I love him.
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
There’s so much stuff that’s just impossible to like right now, systemic issues, a lack of talent (you know it’s a big deal when the coach himself says they don’t have enough firepower), so it’s difficult to focus on one main thread this week.
So I’ll pick the most important threads. And by that I mean these jerseys:
In the year of our Kiprusoff 2021, to see these abominations on the ice, well, it’s irredeemable. The Flames have the most pristine three-jersey set in the league, and for these rags to crawl back into the rotation spits in the face of the aesthetic this team is trying to craft for itself. (ed. note: The Flames have begun offering them on sale up to 50% several times this year because they also want to be rid of them. They know they’re cursed)
I truly believe the team plays worse wearing it because they are embarrassed by how stupid they look in them.
Luckily they only donned them in a loss to the Oilers that did not count anyway. These specific jerseys have never existed in a Darryl Sutter era, making them a relic of Geoff Ward hockey, so the loss is credited to him. Undefeated in the Sutter era.
Enemy of the Week:
Seriously, fuck this jersey.
What Happens Next/We Were Right:
Last week’s prediction:
With this distinctly Canadian brand of misery firmly in mind, my prediction for this week is The Discourse surrounding a continued North Division will just shatter any remaining hope of my hairline remaining where it’s supposed to on my head. Check it out, I’m already right.
This was in reference to a tweet from Sportsnet suggesting that the Canadian teams enjoyed the concept of the North Division, and would like to see more of it.
Goddamn if any of that is true I am just going to lose it.
Anyway, I was right. I have a skullet now.
You’re going to be shocked to read this, but this week, the Flames embark on a pair of back to backs, this time against Ottawa and Winnipeg, so expect a barrage of “interesting” “facts” about the Tkachuk Family that “you haven’t heard yet”.
As for Winnipeg, I was so so sick of them to begin the season, but it does feel like a significant amount of time has passed since they played, and I don’t know, it’s all just malaise now.
My prediction for the week is that this will be the most boring stretch of games this season, which, man. Just give me one game against like St. Louis or something.
Possibly Irish Moment Of The Week:
This was a real graphic that Sportsnet aired on the St. Patrick’s Day edition of the Battle of Alberta. It’s a real thing they did. It’s real. This was on TV. It’s real.
I keep saying that because when we tweeted it out, people thought we were making it up. Explaining the Irish Heritage behind the names of some of the Calgary Flames, and including Milan Lucic in the bit, saying he’s “Not Irish, but played in Boston” is a much better shitpost than we could ever take credit for, but thanks to everyone who thought this was in our wheelhouse!
Unrelated Fact:
This one? This one is 100% real. It’s math, dummies.
See You Next Week:
I had a dream on Friday night that the Oilers traded Kris Russell away. I don’t often remember my dreams, so for this one to stick, it must have left an indelible impression on me, because it quite frankly left a down note that persisted throughout my entire weekend.
I legitimately only realized like just now that it wasn’t real. It’s Sunday night and Kris Russell is still (thankfully) a mainstay in Edmonton. This has to be a positive omen for the week ahead. Let’s meet back here next week to find out!