Why even have a 7-game losing streak if you’re not going to use it to move the goalposts on your expectations for a season? All the Canucks fans keep talking about how deep this draft is this year, and you know it’s true because they’ve REALLY been paying attention to that for some reason. It might be worth checking out what’s really going on down there.
I’m just having a little mess around with you fine people. Truth is, I’m not convinced yet that this team is bad, or that they need a coaching change, or whatever other reactionary response is being floated out there minute-to-minute. I do think, however, that they are embarrassing, which can still get you results, but I would argue is still worse. Bad teams can still be fun. Bad teams are either young squads in the early stages of being built into a contender or hopeless sad sack teams with nothing to make you feel anything except the hilarity baked into knowing it will never get better (see: The Ottawa Senators). Embarrassing teams have expectations, veteran cores, high payrolls, but can’t ever and will never put those three things together at the same time and taste success (see: The Toronto Maple Leafs). At least let us have some fun with this stuff, it’s what makes a fanbase of a bad team entertaining.
At the end of the day, that’s all any of us really want. Stanley Cups are fleeting; quality shitposts last a lifetime.
The Week of: November 7th-13th
Results From Past Week: I was going to make a joke about how last week was Ted 2 for the Flames and this week was merely Ted, but then out of curiosity I looked all this up, and I honestly don’t know how to proceed because I did not anticipate these kinds of numbers, and this entire analogy is immediately dead in the water.
Apparently, people liked the Peter-Griffin-But-A-Bear movie way more than the Flames had a good week, so this metaphor died faster than a Flames third-period lead.
Speaking of, they did that again! You love to rush home to see your team play a game at 5 pm for some reason, only for them to blow a 3-1 advantage and lose in OT against hockey’s suburbs, the New York Islanders. It’s great seeing them follow that up by deciding they loved losing to the New Jersey Devils so much that they went for it for the second time in four days (and knocked it out of the park). The team ended their eastern road swing with a normal, run-of-the-mill 3-1 loss to the Boston Bruins. Just a wretched road trip.
But all was not lost!
Rick Ball and the Flames both returned to the Scotiabank Saddledome on Saturday night, which ended up being the old-timey placebo nerve tonic the team needed, sending the losing streak and the Winnipeg Jets both back to their airport, earning a 3-2 victory to end our Saturday. Flames hockey is back, and it’s 1-2-1 in its last four!
Flames Overall Record: 6-6-2, 14 pts
Standings: 5th place in the Pacific Division, 10th in the Western Conference. Too mid to have a snappy joke about any of this, sorry.
Soundtrack: Heavy Metal Drummer - Wilco
There are two reasons why I’m picking this track today: a) Wilco, and b) I saw this headline, and I feel like whoever wrote this phrased it this way on purpose.
No, I have no idea what that article is about, please don’t ask.
Funny Big Bang Theory Clip Of The Week:
What We Liked:
It sounds like after an extended stint on the not-quite IR but not playing either, Jonathan Huberdeau should be back in the Flames’ lineup when they take on the Los Angeles Kings on Monday. Further to that, on the virtue of noted Italian international Adam Ružička finding success on the top line with Elias Lindholm and Tyler Toffoli, Huberdeau has been practicing with Mikael Backlund, which means the famed Backlund Bump is incoming. For Huberdeau, the big-name offseason acquisition who has yet to see the counting stats fall in his favour yet, this couldn’t come at a more opportune time.
The Backlund Bump is what “earned” Lance Bouma a 3-year contract extension worth, conservatively, 11 billion dollars, except now Backlund can try it with Huberdeau, an actual hockey player who’s already inked long term, so this should play out very similarly, but in a way that we actually want and like.
You are going to hear from the “experts” that they should put Andrew Mangiapane on the other side of that line, and I’m here to tell you that that’s absolutely right.
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
There has been a lot of digital ink spilled about the quality of refereeing the Flames have had to endure not only this season, but also for every game in the history of time, and while maybe it’s not been great, I don’t think it’s what has sunk this team of late. Or ever.
Calgary took penalties in overtime in consecutive games and ended up being scored on shortly after both times, and while maybe you don’t expect the stripes to hold onto their whistles in the extra frame, if you do something illegal, it doesn’t really matter what period it’s in, it should get called. And for the Flames, that’s two points squandered that they could absolutely use right now.
The common refrain from the fanbase is that the refs are still harbouring resentment towards the team because of the Dennis Wideman situation. Pretty good joke, but also Rasmus Andersson blatantly cross-checked a guy into his own net in overtime when he didn’t need to. Way she goes sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta lock that stuff down or else you’re going to have a bad time and something called Fabian Zetterlund (???) will end you in the extra frame.
Enemy of the Week:
Folks, it’s the state of Florida! They got some wacky stuff going on down there, and the Flames are about to get to the bottom of what all that mess is about.
What Comes Next:
That’s because after playing the Kings at home on Monday, the team heads back out East for another road trip, this time for a whopping six games, and that includes dates with the Lightning and Panthers before the next Big Monday Thing hits your inbox.
We get to see our good sweet boy Matthew Tkachuk! He’s been doing REAL GOOD out there in Florida, and I can’t wait to give him a big hug and a juice box and hear all his little stories. I love him.
Darryl Sutter is Right Of The Week:
How badly could this blueline use Oliver Kylington right now? Get well soon, sweet prince.
He’s the rugged and handsome player that many have suggested trading in hopes of landing some forward help - an area they very obviously need to bolster - but we’ve already seen what happens when a very strong but top-heavy defense corps has to rely on depth: they can’t because it’s not there. It doesn’t exist. With Kylington out (we all hope everything is okay, my good dude), Juuso Välimäki going to college in Arizona (if I read that right), and physiology finally catching up to Chris Tanev, the team has set out to redefine what the term “reinforcements” means in regards to the injury call-ups, and I don’t think Sutter is out of line to call them out for not being NHL calibre.
Connor Mackey looks like his advanced age has caught up to him, and I think Dennis Gilbert and Nick DeSimone are maybe holograms and incapable of physically handling a puck. Even Michael Stone is someone we’re mostly enamoured in because we know he’ll never leave and we have late-stage Stockholm Syndrome for only him.
Hell, even Nikita Zadorov has already amassed more ice time than I would have liked from him for the entire season. This was supposed to be a strength of the team going into the year, but we won’t really get to witness the best-laid plans for this side of the ice until later this season, if at all (genuinely please come back soon Oliver!)
Finding an upgrade on the wings is easier than finding a reliable puck-moving defenseman, and if you can’t slot anyone dependable in that role after moving one out, you have to question whether you actually made your team better.
Unrelated Fact:
Here is New Japan Pro Wrestling’s Hiromu Takahashi trying to set a Guinness World Record for most consecutive zipper zips on a pair of pants in 30 seconds. It’s unclear if he set the record. Let’s see if you can beat him.
See You Next Week:
I learned recently that the Something Awful forums are still active, so hey, if Twitter goes belly up, good news! We’ve all got a place to go.