That’s right, MILK is our hot new Nazem Kadri acronym, one we’ll use frequently for the next seven years, and I couldn’t be more excited about it. Konnie will tell you he coined the term, and while that’s technically 100% true, he got suspended from Twitter this week and had to communicate via writing drafts in the Scorchstack dashboard, so does he really deserve the credit for any of this? You be the judge:
Trust me, you do not want Mike to be your boss.
The Week of: October 24th-30th
Results From Past Week: Goodness, is it ever irritating to end the week on a loss, especially at the hands of those Arby’s-eating dipshits from up Highway 2 (I imagine the Oilers all love Arby’s). Alas, that’s precisely what happened, spoiling a nice and rare slow news week of games that mostly featured your Calgary Flames systematically dismantling the Pittsburgh Penguins on Tuesday night.
On what is somehow already the second of three Battles for Alberta in 2022-23, the boys in red coughed up a lead in the third and sent Connor McDavid home happy (or whatever passes as such for that wooden, inanimate serial killer), ruining our fun Saturday nights in the process, making us too sad to attend the myriad of Halloween parties we definitely were invited to because we’re very popular.
Flames Overall Record: 5-2-0, 10 pts
Standings: 3rd place in the Pacific Division, 4th in the Western Conference. The Flames have played a game or two or three less than everyone else, so don’t be too fussed about dropping in the standings. Especially don’t, because it’s fucking October.
Soundtrack: Every Day Is Halloween - Ministry
This is, of course, factually incorrect. Halloween only occurs once a year. Today is that one day.
Funny Big Bang Theory Clip Of The Week:
This can all go away. All you need to do is pressure either Coca-Cola or Coffee Crisp to sponsor the Scorchstack. Until then, this show was on TV for like 20 years, think about how many clips JUST LIKE THIS that could possibly be out there.
What We Liked:
I cannot believe that Nazem Kadri is a Calgary Flame. He’s certainly been a player I think most of us had penciled in as part of the dream blunt rotation on the roster over the years, and it even almost came to fruition at least once. Now he’s here in the flesh, and he’s been possibly even better than advertised.
I have to think any general manager that had a shot to sign Kadri on the first day of free agency (or the many, many days that followed before Brad Treliving handed the man a pen) is kicking themselves right now, because his presence is maybe the largest contributing factor to the early season success for the Flames thus far. At a time when perhaps Jonathan Huberdeau is still finding his footing on Darryl Sutter’s team, Kadri has piloted this ship with aplomb. It feels like he’s been here for years already. I love him. Can’t wait to stay on this ride.
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
It’s definitely not too early to consider finding another winger for the top six.
This team is pretty dialed in at most positions. They’ve got a terrific tandem in net (with the best goalie in the world blossoming in their minor league system as we speak), a defense corps that is firing on all cylinders WITHOUT Oliver Kylington (miss you, hope all is well big man), and center depth that a lot of teams would kill to have. Hell, even the 4th line is overperforming right now.
But this squad goes through spells where it’s pretty obvious they need another offensive weapon to help them punch through tougher opposition. Whether that’s someone who can compliment Huberdeau and Lindholm up top, or another dynamic presence to go with Kadri and Mangiapane - thus shifting some other wingers down into the roles they’re better suited for - Brad Treliving could solidify his place as the Tony Soprano of this organization by bringing in a winger who’s got that dawg in him. I’m being informed this is the last time I’m ever allowed to use that phrase.
It’s really tough to do, and every scenario facilitating this comes lousy with obstacles. You either have to give up a lot of draft and prospect capital to pry a good winger off a bad team (not to mention likely convincing a team that might not yet recognize they suck that they do), or you have to find a way to take on the salary and the ability to look yourself in the mirror so you can acquire noted sex-pest Patrick Kane.
Absolutely do not acquire noted sex-pest Patrick Kane.
That all being said, draft picks are fake and prospects suck (unless it’s Dustin Wolf), so go that route instead. It’s not like the Flames are going to be in the running for Connor Bedard. Let’s get wild. Not Kane.
Enemy of the Week:
I don’t know if that Great Pumpkin is real, but by no-showing an extremely patient Linus in that pumpkin patch, it really screwed up a lot of Halloween plans for Linus, Sally, and all their friends. Kind of a dick move, even if it is a tough lesson a child needs to learn about the perils of anticipation or whatever that was supposed to be. I think I’ll sit out on that patch and wait until it appears so I can give it a real piece of my mind.
What Comes Next:
It’s the back nine of the eight-game homestand, which is the least confusing way I could have possibly described the schedule for this week.
The Flames welcome Shane Wright (maybe) and the Seattle Kraken on Tuesday, the Nashville Predators on Thursday, and the New Jersey Devils on Saturday. Shane Wright won’t play in those ones either.
Enjoy these games, the rest of November features a scant three home games and nine (9) matchups that all occur in the cursed and vile Eastern Time Zone. That should be illegal.
The What’s Going On With The Zadorovs Of The Week:
Consensus around the group chat is that Nikita Zadorov and his wife Aleksandra are Barbie and Ken, but as of press time no one is really willing to risk any money on that.
Andrew Mangiapane and Milan Lucic radiate Night At The Roxbury energy in a way that is both obvious but went completely unnoticed by me before. Full marks here.
Unrelated Fact:
If he had asked me to do this while he was in Calgary, he may have never been traded. Miss you every day, Dougie.
See You Next Week:
Good lord I cannot wait to buy some discount November 1st candy. Truly the best day of the year. Coffee Crisp, seriously, call us back.