The Big Mike Thing - Man, that don't sound PG-13 at all.
Floob is hungover or dead. I am your new Monday morning/afternoon god.
Floob has this Monday off as it was his birthday this weekend. I forgot to get him a present so I’ve decided the gift is me covering for him on today’s edition of the Big Monday Thing. Given his advancing age and the increasing likelihood he’ll end up in an old folks home for Twitter users, the Scorchies bought him a collection of senior citizen-themed gifts. We would encourage all of you to send him money.
We’re also collecting funds to move the Scorchstack annual general meeting to the card room at the Sage Hill Retirement Residence in Calgary.
The Week of: March 21st-27th
Results From Past Week:
Last week was a great week for me personally, with several bosses in Elden Ring being defeated in a very minimal amount of attempts. I’ve been running a spellblade mage build since I tracked down the Wing of Astel. I would encourage everyone who is running a mage build to use this sword as it scales incredibly. I managed to defeat Morgott on my second attempt last night thanks to this sword.
Oh the Flames played too but you can read about that below.
Flames Overall Record: 40-17-8, 88 pts.
Standings: 1st place in the Pacific Division, 2nd in the Western Conference. I love the consistency. I or Floob haven’t had to edit that sentence in we— never mind.
Soundtrack: Little Bit of This - GTA ft. Vince Staples
Last week really had a little bit of this, a little bit of that; the Flames should have beat the Sharks, didn’t; easily handled the Coyotes, with no significant issues; and then played a game of ’80s hockey with the Oilers, chasing a goalie; oh, and Mike Smith tried to fight the dreaded Laramie, Matthew Tkachuk.
There, I summed up the week in a very long sentence. Anyway listen to Vince.
What We Liked:
The Battle of Alberta on Saturday night. There’s nothing more enjoyable, even if there can be palpable levels of anxiety involved, than a classic BofA where one team is firmly planted in the echelons of Stanley Cup contender and the other is trotting out a goalie-tandem of Mikko Koskinen and Mike Smith, who took the L despite coming in after the Oilers already gave up five which is a beautiful thing. Fast-paced play, 14-total goals between both teams, one goalie chased, one goalie incensed, and a number of Flames with multi-goal games.
Imagine hopping on a packed bus from Edmonton, “invading” the Saddledome, sitting in the press level, drinking your sorrows away, and then witnessing that sort of performance from a team you worship to cult-like levels. What I would have given to have seen the misery on all of their faces in person. Maybe next time I’ll hop on the bus with them and report my observations — it’ll be like Jane Goodall documenting the gorillas only I’ll be documenting grown men who likely have restraining orders from Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.
What We Would Prefer Not To See:
What in the fresh hell is this?
Enemy of the Week:
There are many enemies of the week so let me list every single one of them off…
Mark Giordano, as a Leaf, and reunited with TJ Brodie on the same team. Who is Mark Giordano? I don’t know — I’ve never heard that name before.
Jacob Markström’s inexplicable moments vs. San Jose, where goals went in that shouldn’t have, and we all thought “well, that sucks!”
Oiler fans on Twitter who believe Mikael Backlund threw a headshot on Connor McDavid. Nary a word when McDavid got a penalty though. Gotta wonder about that - it’s almost like there is a weird double-standard online surrounding anything and everything about him. Hey, aren’t these probably the same folks turning a blind eye to Evander Kane? Gotta wonder!
Everyone in the last… 18 hours who has made a Chris Rock - Will Smith meme post. The joke was dead like… five minutes after it happened.
What Comes Next:
Hopefully, we see more games called in Cree via APTN. I didn’t get to watch the game live on APTN (I recorded it and will be watching it today or tomorrow) but much like Hockey Night in Punjabi, I hope it continues.
Maybe we’ll see Sean Monahan return versus Colorado or Los Angeles? Maybe this is the quintessential hockey narrative/catalyst where it lights a fire under his butt and he goes on a remarkable run well into the post-season? Could 27-year old Sean Monahan be this team’s 35-year old (circa 1989) Lanny McDonald?
Theo Fleury on the Western Standard?! Holy crap.
Unrelated potential reincarnation Fact:
We consulted several experts on reincarnation, Louis Riel, and freedom fighting. None of them could confirm Fleury is the reincarnation of Riel, but we look forward to his new TV show with Giorgio A. Tsoukalos of Ancient Aliens exploring this theory on the History Channel.
See You Next Week:
Follow @TheScorchStack, the #1 Calgary Flames lifestyle newsletter. Maybe grab some merchandise from BreakingT in preparation for a long and successful playoff run? Every sale results in you looking good, BreakingT getting more money to make new merchandise, and the Scorchies get a cut.