Morkstack - NHL Season Preview
connor mcdavid has failed a mandatory urinary analysis and tested positive for metandienone
Today is a real coup for the Scorchstack, friends. Esteemed columnist and NHL beat reporter Mork Sphincter has given us the honour of his time and his words, gracing us with his presence on oue humble newsletter. With the Calgary Flames season coming to a joyless conclusion, the eyes for all Flames fans turns to the rest of the league, and what better lens to see it through than that of a respected, veteran of both print and digital media, the unequalled Mork?
We’re such avowed fans of Mr. Sphincter’s work that we told him he could contribute whatever he likes without any editorial oversight from us here at the Scorchstack. And why wouldn’t we? Who are we to say we know how to do this better than a living legend? Over to you, Mork Sphincter.
Greetings from Edmonton, or as I like to call it: Edmonton, Alberta. It’s me, Mork Sphincter, a respected veteran with 27 years of experience on the beat for the NHL and the NHL’s Edmonton Oilers for the respected and well known Edmonton Journal.
Judging from all the great fan engagement I receive on my twitter account (@goodstacegal, if you would like to see top notch reporting from a professional like me), everyone right now is excited for one thing and one thing only: the game of hockey. It seems like every year right around this time, the people go hockey crazy, and I do too. Especially after last year’s season was cut short for some reason. My mentor, Staples, spent all of last season reporting on this and that about what was happening in the government, but I took off for my cabin, to spend the extra time washing my Corvette and listening to Springsteen on my boom box. When there is no hockey to be played, I find it very hard to concentrate.
But now, the game is back and everyone is very excited for one thing and one thing only: Mork Sphincter’s season previews. You’ve seen these before, they are very popular. This year, my colleagues at the Journal (that’s what we call the Edmonton Journal) decided to forgo the yearly predictions I do every May, so I decided to venture out of my comfort zone and reached out to one of these blogs I’ve heard so much about but don’t respect.
Anyway, down to business. The following is my season preview for the full and complete 2020-2021 NHL season, and I have to say, it’s nice to do these once again with a full 82 games to make predictions based off of. It really allows me to hone my skills, and as you’ll see, some of these look air tight. When you’ve been around the game as long as I have, you just learn to see things that the average fan does not. Enjoy!
Some would say Connor McDavid scoring 105 points and 33 goals over an 82 games is a big ask, but I really believe in the Oilers young captain. We’ll see at the end of the season who is right. Cheers.
-mork